Do what I can but still have questions 4

[soccerwife]

H left a couple weeks after that last post. My world came to a halt. I woke up on Thanksgiving Day and told him that I was thankful for having him in my life and that I loved him. He moved out that afternoon and filed for divorce the next day. To this day I still can't figure out why he left. I have made very little progress in the last two years. He will not speak to me unless it directly pertains to the kids. I refused to sign divorce papers and this Thanksgiving, in just a few short weeks, I will be forced to give up on all of those hopes and dreams. The divorce will go through and I will have completely lost my best friend and the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. It is like dieing of cancer. A long and drawn out agony. Accept when death actually comes, you still don't get closure. You don't get a circle of friends and family crying beside you at a funeral. You are left on your own. I am still in so much pain. I don't ever imagine feeling better or trusting anyone new. I really believed I was going to have a happy ending on the forum, but I was so wrong. I was wrong about what was meant for me in life, I was wrong about trusting a man to do what he promised, and I was wrong to trust that anyone could help or had answers to my questions. But, the funny thing is, I still have hope. I have hope that my Matthew will come back to me someday just like when I called for him during the birth of our children. I have hope that I'm not wrong about that.