Poor Conflicted Man...

[Junsui]

So it's been exactly one week since I tried to post my first thread in the Newcomers forum. Since all of my other posts since then have been approved, I think that one must have gotten lost in the aethyr. In the meantime, I decided I may as well move over here to the Separated forum, as I am LRTing.

Background: H and I married right after he got Bachelor's and one semester before I finished mine in 2009. He had to work at a call-center job he hated. Despite misgivings, I agreed to go to graduate school near in-laws and move in with them in 2010, before we'd been married a full year. I was also having health problems at the time, and between those two situations M/R suffered. H BD and threatened D multiple times over the years. Most times I would cry, bargain, etc., and he would relent. I went to IC for approximately two years to resolve issues that H had with my personality/behavior.

On Oct. 9 I finally moved out of in-laws after latest BD where H did not relent. I know technically separating is supposed to make DBing more difficult. However, as a result of being able to get some distance, I've finally been able to focus on just me for the first time in years.

After a few days, H did eventually say he didn't want D, he wanted to try MC. However, he never made an appointment, and he's been very conflicted and ambivalent. Today we had to meet to discuss how to pay December bills, and he seemed reasonable about finances. I was getting mixed signals from him though, and maybe someone more experienced at DBing can help me out. He said that everyone (friends and family I'm assuming?) has noticed how much happier he's been since we've separated. He doesn't think we'll get a divorce because he can't pull that trigger. He'd rather put up with the abuse. He loves me, but he can't quite bring himself to say let's get back together. However, throughout our entire time together today, H was very physically affectionate - hugs, snuggles, petting my hair.

In conclusion, like I said, he's seems conflicted still and not sure what he really wants. My current plan is still to focus on GAL (finishing thesis, job applications) and on improving the things I've identified that I personally need to work on. I'm not worrying about H - I'm not helping him with school and work as I have in the past. I plan for the most part to stick with the stopping the chase - minimal contact, etc. - unless someone with more experience suggests that's not the best course of action.

I know my other newcomer post included a lot of other information, so I apologize if that one does ever reappear and I end up with multiple threads...