THINK LIKE HARE MOVE LIKE A TORTOISE

[Ambivalent]

YAY! I thought so too. I figure if Experiment Man wants to come, he'll send out some sort of feelers. I'm not asking, because I don't want the rejection and I don't want my attitude affected.

Yes I'm still very sensitive, but I'm just trying to protect myself.

[Ambivalent]

Well I did it. BIL not only accepted but was enthusiastic. I think it will be nice having him come, even though brother is struggling.

I just don't want the holidays to be as if our girls and I are estranged from his family due to his behavior. I know that it was a big deal in their mother's life, when their Aunt on her husband's side kept in contact with the family. Always was there for them and her.

I believe BIL remembers this and is being very gracious, or he wants a home cooked meal! Either way, it'll be great for the girls and I will have some good wine!

That's one holiday down. One to go...

[makingmagic]

Good job Ambiv...keep it going!

[Ambivalent]

Hey making, what was the lip service?

[tigerlily78]

That is so great that you invited BIL and he accepted. I think it will make a big difference to be acting "as if" everything is the same.

I am struggling with this myself... My son and I don't have any family here, except my inlaws and we have been estranged from them for close to 2 years. I know my son really wants H to be with us for Thanksgiving, I am thinking of having him ask H what his plans are rather than me having to do it. He may feel better about making a commitment to do it "for our son" than for me. :P

[makingmagic]

"lip service".... when h told me he was going to work on our relationship, because I asked him too.... then he never followed through. VERY UPSET over that... I just keep it up as a reminder to watch out if it should ever happen again.

The difference will be... he will ask for us to work on it vs. me asking...(that was lip service).

MM

[Ambivalent]

Gotcha.

When the we had the BD night, I asked if we should seek counseling and he thought it would be a good idea...well by the second two hour session he decided "he wasn't sure if he wanted to work on the marriage, but he wanted individual counseling.".

So far he has been to one session, he was given homework and at the time was so excited he took me out to lunch to share.

Lot's of when we's , we should's, if we's, but hasn't gone back as far as I know.

So I guess that was lip service. I just don't see someone in Replay actually going to a doctor successfully, for if they are "experimenting" how do they reconcile their behavior, especially if they have a conscience ? I noticed he said he liked the guy, he wasn't judgmental . I believe that statement was telling, for he is judging himself.

[Ambivalent]

H. read email four times and finally responded. Okay, it's weird because my e-mail was short and sweet, why four times? He really thinks about what he's going to write...

Longest response yet:
Nov 12 at 6:11 PM

" Happy to help where I can.

No hunting until this weekend. "

I was joking above...this is the shortest one to date.

I'm Glad no hunting 'til weekend, gives me time to relax.

I figure I won't respond, doesn't seem to be a need.


What I'm thankful for today:

I have heat

My two daughters

My dogs

A place of support and guidance

Clean sheets on my bed

A few days off from having to act " As if "

[Ambivalent]

Started a thread about "guilt". Would love for veteran's to share their experiences.

Today is sunny...yay!

List:

Shower

Feed dogs

Breaky

Got to gymn or walk or both

Dust and vacuum MB

Study

Yesterday was a better day. When fears crept into my thoughts, I'd shout aloud "STOP". My dogs are getting used to it now!

I hope everyone has a day without fears, pain, or monsters.

[Ambivalent]

Here is the link to the discussion about guilt:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2403829#Post2403829