Gabby meant this when she said "Shut.Up." as in an Elaine from Seinfield when she's totally surprised or hears a comment that's out there. Am I right, Gabby?
LOL, Ken, you'll totally get this when Zoe gets a little bit older. We girls have... well, girl speak. Sounds like we need to do a webinar for the menfolk, eh?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
The last time I spoke with my X - she had mentioned that she feels shame and guilt over what she did.
One the one hand.. I find it frustrating. She creates distance from me because a response I have to something she does.. triggers the guilt. It's a total d@mned if I do, d@mned if I don't situation.
On the other hand... it breaks my heart that she feels it. I may have the scar but I believe that I have forgiven her and it's never my intent to make her feel guilty for what she did.
On some level - our D was a gift for me to make myself a better person. On some level - I'm glad it happened. So I'm sad she doesn't have the freedom that I feel.
So I do think they think about the betrayal.. but to overcome it is a tremendous climb. Even if the LBS forgives the WAS.. the WAS then has to believe the forgiveness to be true.
Not an easy thing to do.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I miss Seinfeld. When D14 was a toddler we caught her dancing just like Elaine!
I know that I was betrayed. I have spent the last five years working on getting to a place where I might just be able to trust another guy. I try not to focus on what ex did to me ( I can't quite get over the slights he makes regarding the kids but I pick up the pieces) because I dont want to be stuck. I have a live to live, not going to happen dwelling on his f.u.'s.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I used to wonder if I could ever trust another man after the betrayal by the one I loved the most. My radar was really in tune and I was pretty skeptical. But I learned that there are nice guys out there - men I could trust to give my heart to. I also learned that in order to find it again - I had to take some risks - give it a chance. There are no guarantees but it was definitely worth trying. And I've been very lucky.
I used to see wedding parties and want to go warn the bride...Don't do it. He is going to cheat and break your heart! Ok, I don't have that urge anymore. It was there for at least a year and a half after the divorce.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
A woman in our Divorce Care group told us tonight that her husband, now ex-husband, had been having an affair with her best friend...talk about a double barrel betrayal.
Before I even realized something was wrong with our M my W began making weird comments. I remember a few times i placed stamps upside down on envelopes. My eyes were failing me and I refused to get reading glasses. She said to me " you know it's illegal to put stamps upside down I wonder why you haven't been arrested yet". That is the kind of crazy thinking they do. Just like Ken's buddy.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
The question is...why do some spouses cheat while others don't? Is it that they are just sub-standard immoral human beings...I doubt it. Do they have holes in their moral sensibilities? Or could any of us do this in the right circumstances? I know everyone will scream "I could never do that" but human beings are incredible at legitimizing what we want as being right... and not just cheating spouses. I remember a Pastor of mine once told me "the one thing I've learned in this job is that really good people can do some really bad things". Just thinking out loud here...
