"You're My Best Friend"

[reachingHigher]

Thanks Mtnman

Today went so much better. I acted "as if" things were sweet and good between H and me, except I didn't text much or do any pursuing behaviors.

I thought a lot about Mach1's post on another thread.

I remembered how in 2007, when H's sister died and his mom and niece lived with us for 6 months, long before H & I knew MLC was anything but a joke, I remembered how H said he was treating me like he s/b treating his mom (since she was acting terrible) and he was treating her like he s/b treating me since I was trying to be sweet and kind.

He admitted he was treating me like an angry adolescent would treat his mom but he seemed powerless to stop.

So...this weekend, when he recalled his mom's poor choice in his sister's final hours of life...maybe it was attaching a proper emotion to the proper place?

Admitting his mom did wrong? And it's okay now?

His whole family seemed to blame me for being alive still since they adored his sister so much. Maybe H had or has yet to work through that too?

Also, I saw that after grasping some important concepts about the truth of death,, the next day, H makes plans without me. Space, he is saying, I need space!

So....whether or not Cookout Girl attends this event is immaterial. My job is to work on me.

It occurs to me it wouldn't be all bad if Cookout Girl shows her true colors. H told me she hasn't been to the gym for a long time and is returning to who she was before she started her cosmetic and behavior changes of MLC. He gave me the impression it wasn't too attractive.

He also stressed also how bossy she was. They would attend gym classes together and she would tell him to pick up different weights than he had selected. So she would feel that his physique was due to HER expertise.

It's not like I have any desire to ever see her again, but I s'pose it's gonna happen.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I had a great yearly checkup today. My doctor kept saying "you look great"; well she was comparing it to a year ago for my yearly check and my STD check. I must've looked like death warmed over, lol!

She asked about H & me. I said H was home and happy. She said, with her doctorly wisdom, what about you?

I said proudly I went to the gym 5 days a week! She said a glow of health has returned to me. This helped a LOT with my confidence!

So....I'll just continue to be pleasant and low-key with H. We are both enjoying a glass of wine this evening and he seems okay now. Not stressed or anything.

And I'm feeling very happy and productive