The Red Pill aka The Leap of Faith

[JFun51]

Ouch! Just had the most draining R talk in a long time. W initiated everything. So much venom and spew that I'm still dizzy. Started out with a question about the house payment. I calmly told here that I just set it up to be drafted from this point forward. Turned into finger pointing at me and "It's not easy" statements. I validated like crazy and accepted my responsibility for putting it on her for many years.

Hard for me to keep up with everything that just happened. Just trying to list it all so that I won't forget:

She said:
-I don't even know who you are anymore.
-Other people have commented about how happy and friendly you are.
-Its all a big F-ing show.
-You never wanted to go to church or Sunday school before.
-I have no connection to you. Physical or emotional.
-Our son needs counseling because of what he's heard
-You have no idea what you've done to him. S12
-I can't live like this anymore.
-It's a little too late to change.
-You've done a 360 in everything, people don't just change like that.
-I'm not leaving this house.
-I'll leave and the children will go with me, because they will choose me.
-The kids even see that you are different.
-You're not even the person I met 20 years ago.
-I didn't mind being a single mother, I don't mind doing for my kids.
-You've never cared before, why now.
-I know you said this was like a bomb dropped on you, but people don't just change.
-It's just because you are medicated. If you think it's not, you're crazy.
-You're big mouth has hurt your son in ways you don't understand.
-It's no wonder I went for an emotional affair. You've never been there for me emotionally.
-S12 said there's no way I could have a boyfriend, because your always with us
-What do you want me to do? About 10 times
-You've said you want me to try. I don't want to. How are you supposed to get back something that took 10 years to go away.

There's more. I'm frigging exhausted. Gotta regroup.

I validated, kept eye contact, repeated what she said multiple times, asked for clarification, practiced all my new communication skills. I stood firm and confident in front of her as she gave it all to me. I watched her eyes try to search for some reaction that she expected from me. I love her so much. She went from one attack to the next like it was pulling out different weapons to see what would work. She did 95% of the talking. I only spoke when asked to and when I needed to validate. I did get her to try understand that my changes were things that I identified about myself that I didn't like. That I understood why she would have a hard time understanding or believing in me.

I'm tired