Where am I at?

[Icecoldw]

Thinking this morning, I'm jealous of my w because she is going out and buying stuff for herself. Her money is her money. My money has always been our money. I would always turn my paycheck over to her and she would pay, buy what ever the family needed. I got my $45 allowance a week, which was for lunch and dip. Now she buys for herself and I'm worried about filing bankruptcy and trying to find enough money for christmas

[planet]

Protect yourself financially.

I was not thinking right very early on in my sitch and now i regret some of the things i gave my XW.

[Icecoldw]

Thanks planet, we have separate bank accounts now.

Just been feeling kind of numb today, maybe a little hopeless because I know I can't do anything about what is going on. I'm afraid I might turn into a was, after she leaves because I've been hurt pretty bad that if she does decide to come back, I don't know if I would trust her with my feelings and not be able to open up. I know, that is feeling today, I'm have not detached yet. How do eked from feeling like a door mat? Just kind of thinking out loud. I'll keep reading other threads.

[PatientMan]

Just been feeling kind of numb today, maybe a little hopeless because I know I can't do anything about what is going on. I'm afraid I might turn into a was, after she leaves because I've been hurt pretty bad that if she does decide to come back, I don't know if I would trust her with my feelings and not be able to open up.

That is a common fear, one I have struggled with myself. I can say that it is possible to move forward and still stand for your marriage. I can also say that you'll be a healthier, stronger person at that point of detachment. I just can't tell you it's easy or that it's the fastest way of getting there.

-PM

[Icecoldw]

Just reading some other threads and some how I get the impression that a lot of this journey the lbs is on is to help cope with the d without resentment or bitterness and being able to walk away, not so much repair the m, if it happens great.

[melissag]

Just reading some other threads and some how I get the impression that a lot of this journey the lbs is on is to help cope with the d without resentment or bitterness and being able to walk away, not so much repair the m, if it happens great.

Well, I think that is semi-true. The theory is that DBing does two things: (1) it is the best way for you to cope, detach and feel good about yourself, regardless of what happens with your WAS; and (2) it also happens to offer the highest possibility with R. I know for me, and I imagine for others, it may start with more of the emphasis on repairing the M, but as time goes on you get the hang of it and it truly does become about you. I also think it seems that the M isn't likely to be restored unless and until you get to the point where it is about you.

[hotwheelsaust]

And yes Icecoldw, there isn't much more we can do. We need to improve ourselves, so we don't become bitter and hate the world. We need to leave the resentment behind, to walk away (if needed) with our heads held high that we did the best we could, with what we have.
Repairing the marriage is a by-product of improving ourselves. Keep the hope up, but work on you.

[Icecoldw]

Yep I'm not holding out much hope that when she leaves she will be back, I think to much damage has been done. Yes this time around I'm going to improve myself and deal with my emotions in a healthy way, not like last time when I tried to heal by drinking my self numb. To be honest, I probably was not the healthiest when I remarried

[MrBond]

"Yep I'm not holding out much hope that when she leaves she will be back, I think to much damage has been done."

Not really. It depends on YOUR perception.

"To be honest, I probably was not the healthiest when I remarried"

So what ACTION are you planning to do? What is your plan? Write them down.

[Icecoldw]

Good point about my perception that's just the way I look at it now since there's no communication with w. As for what have I done, I quit drinking about two and a half months ago and to be honest don't miss it a bit. Considering all the stress I've been under, I know some of that stress is self inflicted, not wanting a drink or having a drink is outstanding.