Deciding What to Do.....

[melissag]

.but I will take that over weeping and beating my self up about this and even my dog goes into the other room b/c he doesn't want to be near me; When the dog is embarrassed for you, you know things have to change lol

Ha haaaa! Mimi I totally needed that comic relief this afternoon! It's funny, the few times I have cried quite loudly in my house (only when nobody else is home, of course), my cat gets really nervous, paces around and meows loudly. I can also tell when I have complained too much in one day and need to get out and do something, because my (awesome, super patient) friends will tune out or change the subject.

To MNS . . . if you find that you are thinking gloom and doom thoughts, STOP. A little tip, though. Don't try to stop thinking about what you are thinking about. That doesn't work. (What if I told you right now not to think about elephants? What did you just think of? ) Instead, think of something else. It might help you to literally have a list on a piece of paper of things to think about. Surely you can come up with a dozen things to think about that are better than thinking about gloom and doom, but if not, just add some random things. Like a three toed sloth.

[25yearsmlc]

fwiw

I have taped (Ipod) motivational pieces, speeches, my own words when I found them helpful, positive optimistic music that makes me envision myself happy AND yet without h,

or positive opitmistic music WITH a reconciliation with h, or sad music that I'd let myself hear for an hour or two now and then, to let out the bad feelings and sadness.

I also listened to spiritual pieces by Marianne Willimson and Wayne Dyer and Joel Osteen if that helps you.

I'd jog to it or take long walks while listening to this and it does help.

Turning it over to God begins with believing you need to do that.

Then saying it out loud (do it in the shower if you need privacy) and hearing yourself saying those words,

all help them sink in.

I'd say things like "God, I'm turning over my pain/anger over to you" or

"I'm turning my marriage over to you" and try NOT to take it back the next day.



As for the fairness of it all, no one posting here has much of a claim to say life has been unfair. When I hear people in the USA or western world complain about how unfair it all is, I say, you want unfair? Look at Africa.

I spent a summer with kids who had cancer, years ago. One girl was 10 and she told me SHE had complained about how unfair it was of her to have cancer again, and that she had been angry at God.

She said "I used to ask God 'why me'? Why do I have cancer God? Why, Why, why?? Then I just decided 'well I do have cancer, so that's that. I better have fun while I can."

She had a blast that summer and it was her last summer on earth. It was not fair that she ever got sick, let alone again. It was the opposite of fair!
But she did not waste much of her limited time on earth complaining about why OR fuming about it or wondering about it.

She used her time on earth quite well....living as well as she could.
There is a lesson in there.

Your h left you again, and MAYBE it's over. And that's that. What do YOU DO NOW?

I submit that
You create a life for yourself that is fulfilling and you hold nothing back in that life. You don't need to slam the door on your h to do this. It does mean he is not the focus of your life. He never should have been the focus if it meant placing him before you.

I'm not talking about being selfish. I am saying that women who hover around their men and let them cheat and return and then mistreat again, are not bringing much to the table other than a sense of debt owed and perhaps some feelings of inadequacy. Many women think by taking back a man who has wronged them, they are "Safer" with that man b/c he owes them...

not a wise belief but it happens. Regardless, let's focus on YOUR GAL now.
B/c that is healthy for YOU and it also coincidentally makes you more attractive.

You are not doing it FOR THAT REASON

but it so happens that

GAL is the best course of action for you if you want to be happy on your own,

AND OR

if you want to be more appealing to your h.

That is why I hammer it so much.






But you need to stop staring back at it to see what HE is doing. You can't live well that way. And living well right now is the best thing you can do b/c

if your