Hanging on to the roller coaster

[CallaghanClown]

It was very emotional. But I think it will help. I'll keep going because any help is good help. I cried a lot. But I said how I felt. I was honest beyond my comfort. Getting out of my comfort zone will help me grow, teach me how to cope, build ME back up.

I didn't answer H's call today. He then texted to thank me for HIS kids. I didn't reply. Then when he styped the girls tonight he told them he was really struggling and missed them, looked like he!!, he cut them short to go off to a meeting.

Then he sent another text telling me to tell them he loved them and to confirm I'd got the text. I confirmed receipt.

Then another text saying he'd walked out of the meeting, felt really down, missed the kids but that he's sorry for offloading on me. I validated his feelings via text. His response was that he thinks this is the best thing in the long run. Well that's ok for him then.....glad he's decided he'll be happy in the future! I didn't respond to this.

But he's not happy is he. He's not happy, he's just trying to find anything to make himself feel better. He's not considering the consequences. He just knows that life will be better without being with me.

Good job I'm working on me isn't it. It's been an emotional two days with my IC and going to Al Anon today. I predict some fall out tomorrow but I have plans for some pamper time for me. I'm going to buy myself a lovely journal book and start writing. Cathartic and fun. Plus the more I tell my story the more story I find.