Hi TVS. Some similarities in our sitches with OP...Mach's post could have easily been to me this morning after my evening last night with XW (great post Mach, and thanks!).
The "talk" sounds like it was very productive....but what are the next steps?
Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious
He said - I want to be a H to you, I want to be with you.
At the end of the convo, he reiterated that he was going to try to be better to me and our M. That he wanted to be here.
He refuses to consider counseling at this time.
He wants to try to be better to you, but doesn't want to try counseling? So what's his plan? What's yours?
Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious
I ended things by saying that I will give this a chance, but that I still know that he is in a R with her. That I believe that as long as he is involved with someone else, things will never really be good between us. How could they be? I told him that I need to come first above other people, my feelings need to come first. I told him he can't make me and her happy, it's impossible.
He agreed with me, but still denies the affair, says they are friends.
His relationship with OW is clearly not ok with you, yet he continues to defend it. So where does that leave you?
I haven't read all your threads...is this an EA or PA? A lot of times I think they excuse themselves from EA because it's not physical, but even if it is physical, they'll say "friends" to minimize it and avoid facing the truth. And if he's not ready to face the truth, then he's not ready to change it.
Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious
I felt like this could go on indefinitely because he was getting the best of both worlds. Yes, living a double life was also taking its toll on him, but he kept it going.
It still could unless you stand firm. Did he commit to do anything different?
Originally Posted By: Mach1
He got scared when you took away HIS safety net. He said the right things to stop you from pulling his rug out from under him, and he has a plan to stay safe for another few months.
Unfortunately, I agree with Mach on this one. Your H said just enough to keep you. Taking OP out of the picture is step 1....until he's ready to do that, I don't think any real healing can start. And until you're ready to hold him to it, you'll likely feed that cycle.
I applaud you for your patience and your strength, but as Mach said:
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Now isn't the time to become weak, or believe action-less words from him.
