Last night was interesting. When H called me at work yesterday worried, I told him that I needed time to process things and to make a decision because things needed to change. He wanted to know if the changes would begin immediately. The timing worked out perfectly because H would not be coming over to my house in the mornings this due to dentist appointments and school conferences. He asked to come eat dinner last night since he would not see the kids again until Wednesday night. I told him that it would be ok for Monday night only. He will take the kids on his normal nights. No other family time planned.
H got to the house after we had finished eating. He ate dinner and then played with the kids. I could tell that H was making a huge effort to make the night fun for everyone, including me. He was including me in things, joking around with me. I know that he was trying to make the evening fun so that I would have a difficult time saying that we can no longer have family nights together. H showed me a video of a speaking engagement that he did back in September (I was super supportive, but he barely talked to me about it since he goes to OW for this type of stuff). He asked me to show him the Christmas Card I wanted to use and told me to order it and he would do it ASAP so that I could send it out early (H is a photographer). He spent 20 minutes looking on the website looking at card options. It was like an alien entered by house. I used to have to nag him to do this every year and barely got cards out before Christmas. H hated that I like to do things in advance and would make fun of me.
I have to give H credit. He was working his butt off in hopes of changing my mind. But I know that H's actions are based upon his fear that he may be losing a bit of control over little fantasy land.
My favorite part of the evening was a comment that H made that showed me that H really is living in a fantasy land. We were talking about schools for our oldest son last night. I was mentioning some options and commenting on the fact that I hate that our schools only offer half day kindergarten.
H said the following to our son, although he was really talking to me (and my son was not paying attention): "Maybe I should just home school you buddy. It may be the only way for me to see you since mommy only wants to let me see you one day a week."
Without skipping a beat I responded: "Last time I checked, you have the option to be here seven days a week. However, you decided that it is not what you want. You decided you needed something different."
I went back to our conversation about the schools. I am not going to get in a debate with H. I know that our M was broken. I acknowledge my faults and I am working like crazy to became a better person and will continue to do so. I am willing to work on a new relationship. H wants to live in his fantasy world and blame me when he does not get his way. It sealed my decision that things need to change.
