Quarter Life Crisis?

[flgurl84]

I am following Ambivalent, and her struggle with MLC. I found this on a post of hers and thought I'd yank it and drop it into mine. I here Boo in it. Boomerranger.....

Some Boomerangs cling to the spouse. These MLCers may have issues regarding a fear of abandonment as well as co-dependency. They will frequently seek reassurances from their spouse regarding the option to come home. Clinging Boomerangs cycle as is the norm for MLCers, but they also consider their spouse to be their spouse, whereas some MLCers no longer consider you with that label in anything other than a legal manner. A Clinging Boomerang may recognize the authority of their spouse over the alienator who they see in a lower position.

Clinging Boomerangs are constantly trying to reconnect through touch-n-goes. Though boundaries--especially rule-boundaries--do not work with early MLCers, Clinging Boomerang are an exception. A Clinging Boomerang needs boundaries--they are more effective than with others, though still not accepted well by the MLCer.

A Clinging Boomerang wants you; and is attached and dependent toward you. Firm boundaries are more effective in later MLCer. This gives you leverage to apply boundaries, but be careful that do not you use this leverage to pressure. It is NOT recommended in early MLC. It is the respect and personal space boundaries that will likely be most necessary.

Often with a Clinging Boomerang the purpose of No Contact is as a consequence for continuing contact/infidelity. Though they need reassurance that you love and care for them and have no desire to end your marriage, they also need a strong and firm spouse who will not enable their inappropriate behaviors.

Though a Clinging Boomerang may have Monster moments and phases, they are likely to be relatively brief, as this MLCer does not want to alienate their spouse. Monster is often a result of a loss of control and reaction to anger, but their fear of abandonment will override their overt anger.
I have seen this through out my whole marriage. Boo's anger has always been ridiculous. We have replaced out bedroom door twice because he has kicked it in, in a fit of rage. But, you give him 30 min to and hr to cool down, and he comes back apologizing for the initial argument, and the destruction.

Clinging Boomerang Traits

•Seeks Reassurance May request that you be strong for them, believe in them, not turn your back... when this all started, his mantra was, just give me time, just stick with me, I just need time.

•Dependent and even co-dependent

•Multiple Returns--or desire to return on multiple occasions He has never fully left, only leaves for a night or two, then comes back.

•Pursuer Frequent contact which may include begging-pleading

•Frequent Touch-n-Goes

•Acknowledges the spouse as the spouse He still refers to me as his wife to people. He still even uses "we".

•Hopes to return someday--openly or secretlyUses we, us, when, the almighty IF !

•Possible issues fearing abandonment

•May continue to profess love for their spouse Yup, I've been told multiple times, he loves me.

•Scared of losing the spouse May verbalize this as losing the friendship or may be more direct and fear the spouse will find someone else. I've been told he always wants me in his life, he doesn't want to not talk to me, he wants to always be there for me.

The first two or three in the list are the most telling traits. A Boomerang who is independent is not a clinger. Though Clinging Boomerangs seem to offer a lot of clues and crumbs of hope to the Standing spouse, they also may be difficult to deal with due to their attachment and neediness and there is a high likelihood for cake-eating due to their fear of losing you. This is not a casual fear, but a paralysis that affects healthy functioning.

So yeah, Just a tid bit