Sorry that you find yourself here. It will be a long and difficult process, so please don't think you will have to change things overnight.
What are you doing to "take care of you"? If you mean change your neglectful patterns and be a better man and father, great. If you mean focusing only on your needs, I think that's a mistake. Your selfish attention to your needs over your wife's got you here, so proceed with caution.
I would be surprised if there's not another man vying for her attention, especially given that you state that your relationship was generally good. Typically WASs that have met someone else will start to portray the entire marriage as having been bad, it helps sooth the guilt that they are feeling inside. Don't bother asking her, you won't get the truth if she is.
Can you give a more detailed description of your R along with a timeline of when you noticed a shift in your wife?
-hs
I have no read any of the books yet. My first response was to begin reading some of the good advice given by the vets here on the forums.
I really do want to change my ways. It never really occured to me what i was doing to our relationship. After all of this came out I feel like a totally different person.
As far as another man goes... I'm almost positive that their is another man in the picture. I do not know if it has gotten physical, but she has been hanging out with a guy "friend" more and more, and especially since all of this came out. She doesn't try to hide it from me. She says he is just a really good friend, but it feels like they have gotten way too close. He will take her to dinner, and they went to a concert together last weekend. (sounds a lot like dating to me.)
We start counseling on Thursday, so i have been hesitant to really bring up my feelings on the subject. I have told her that i'm uncomfortable with this relationship but she doesnt seem to care much.
