wife hardens heart-5

[planet]

I visited my kids after work today. Played with them for a short while until the XW announces that she will be going out. Naturally the kids wanted to go too.

The kids went upstairs with MIL to have their baths. I was left alone with XW in the living room. I didn't know what to talk to her and she was busy reading the newspaper anyway so I just fiddle my mobile. Then I left the room to go sit somewhere else.

The interaction wasn't positve at all. We basically just ignore each other.
I don't know how I reached where I have completely nothing to say to her and felt pretty much alright with being strangers. Not a good way to rebuild a relationship.

She left later with OM. Honestly, I don't feel great pain anymore but in shorter less intense feeling. Detachment in progress I suppose.

I don't know how to descibe this feeling I have every time I know I won't be liking the outcome of events pertaining to XW. The heart just tugs hours before the actual event takes place. For instances, I have been having heart tugs all afternoon while working and I know something not to my liking will happen but I wouldn't know the reason for it. Lo and behold, XW going out with OM hours later.
Terrible way to live.