THINK LIKE HARE MOVE LIKE A TORTOISE

[Ambivalent]

Making...The Hero's Spouse has a ton of stuff, have you checked there?

Curious, you had the bomb in dec. 2012..have you done a timeline? Curious where you believe you have improved and where he may have moved in the tunnel?

[flgurl84]

Ambi--I've been following most of your posts, and even though we have a pretty large age difference, I hear myself when I read your posts.

I am a chronic analyzer, and I read into everything Boo says to me. I've come to realize that my baby steps are his touch and goes.

My posts are long winded. I apologize in advance.

I also vacillate from diet to comfort eating. But you won't ever lose as much weight on any diet other than a good ol depression diet.

My anxiety has lessened....the expectations are at zero so I actually expect him to not be home now.

I am taking care of me now, making decisions for me and it feels good and boo notices, and he needs to change his expectations.

Not much advice here, heck we are both in the same boat, except I have no family....I literally cried and asked God on Friday when I was going to have a real family, a husband who wanted to be at home with me, and children in my life. I am going through something that people who already have "played house" are going through.

Oh well, right now it is Me and my Paw (my doggies nickname) and that's just what it.

I will keep following

[Ambivalent]

My eyelids are heavy so I'm going to list the good things o f today.

lost another lb

Had a moment where I laughed

Dance was fun tonight

Walked with my little man

weather was perfect for the walk I took

I think I may sleep through the night..

[beatrice]

I read this and smiled. Hope you had a good night's sleep.

[Ambivalent]

Thanks Bea. I did!

H. got the e-mail and read it, hasn't replied yet.

Goals for today:

Shower

Eat break

Change sheets

Go to gymn

Pay bill

Fold laundry

Locate school binder

Study

School

Having difficulty finding the page about LBS month stages, on the Hero's Spouse. If anyone has the article topic it is under I would appreciate it. OR If someone is inclined to copy and paste, this too would be very welcome!

Thanks.

[Ambivalent]

My gift for the day!
Excerpt from MAFM AND WAFV

When the Venusian is Ready the Martian Will Appear

When a woman realizes that she truly deserves to be loved she is opening the door for a man to give to her.

BUT when it takes HER ten years of overgiving in a marriage to realize that she deserves more ironically, she feels like closing the door and not giving him the chance.

She may feel something like this: "I have given to you and you have ignored me. You had your chance. I deserve better, I can't trust you, I am too tired, I have nothing left to give. I will not let you hurt me again"

Repeatedly, when this is the case, I have assured women that they don't have to give more to have a better relationship. Their partner actually will give them more if they give less. When a man has been ignoring her needs, it is as though they have both been asleep. When SHE awakens and remembers her needs, he also awakens and wants to give her more.

Predictably, her partner will wake up from his passive state and truly make many of the changes she requires. When she is no longer giving too much, because she is feeling worthy inside herself, he comes out of his cave and
starts building spaceships to come and make her happy.

It may take him awhile actually to learn to give her more, but the most important step is taken-he is aware that he has neglected her and HE wants to change."

* This seems to me another interpretation on the distance and pursuit dance

It also works the other way around. Usually when a man realizes that he's unhappy and wants more romance and love in his life, walls of resentment begin to melt, and love comes back to life. If there has been a lot of neglect it may take a while to truly heal all the accumulated resentments, but it is possible.

Quite often, when one partner makes a positive change the other will also change. This predictable coincidence is one of those magical things about life. When the student is ready the teacher appears...When we are truly ready to receive then what we need will become available.

[Pudmuddle]

Very astute reading Ambiv. I'm glad you are continuing to research and read. I know it helps me a lot. Gives it more meaning, or understanding at least.

Good job on the lists! It makes the pma better when you can see that you are getting things done, even the small things.

Be good to yourself today Ambiv, you deserve it.

[makingmagic]

WOW... absolutely awesome !!! Thanks for posting Ambiv!! I will be keeping a copy of THAT!!

[Ambivalent]

Thanks ladies. I have part two for tomorrow, it will blow your socks off!

I'm really trying Pud. The detaching is my major goal at present . If I can just treat him like a friend that has been selfish, it may help me.
I tend to distance myself from a girlfriend who has the "it's all about me attitude". She tends to be a bit spoiled and VERY competitive with things . I don't like to go there, I reserve my competitiveness for the tennis courts.

I'm ruthless there, within all the rules of course, but very focused on playing well and winning. I feel like I should start playing again. It really gives me a confidence boost.

I'm afraid if I spend the money, I'll get grief though. [ SIGH ]

So far I've checked off most of my list, and it feels very good. Lists do help me to feel accomplished, and doing more on my list makes it even better!

My oldest daughter texted me about Thanksgiving. She is really reaching out. Not her normal behavior pattern, but I'm going with it. She wants to order the Turkey and she is bringing a dish! Uh WOW!

Question: My brother in law has celebrated the upcoming holidays with us for oh say 28 years. I don't want to exclude him from them. I'm thinking of just acting "as if" he is planning on coming and sending him a text...

" Hey BIL, will you bring a wine good with Turkey? Also the girls do really love the cider/mock champagne, would you bring a couple of bottles of that as well? Oh and don't forget to bring containers for left over turkey, gobble gobble. Thanks! "

I don't want everyone's lives turned upside down because of experiment man's behavior. My BIL is a lifelong bachelor, and lives alone. He's a nice man, and the girls have also always known him to come to every family event.

Anyhoo, thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks

[Pudmuddle]

I think this is a perfect example of acting 'as if', doing something normal regardless of your H.

Do it!