Back....again.

[TrentC]

Do you think that is something I can change? I feel like it's just my personality. I've always been like this.

People change their ways of thinking all of the time. If they didn't, then it would put psychologists and psychiatrists out of business (not to mention quite a few religions that tell people they can change their ways).

I guess I'm so fearful because of a few reasons. First being I love him.

Why would loving him make you fearful?

Second being we have three small children.

True, but if he was really done with the relationship, staying for the kids is a really lousy reason to do so. And given that you two had #3 after his first incident, a part of me wonders if that wasn't to make sure he could keep you under control.

Third being I've gone back to school and have no income to support myself. And I just wanna do anything to keep this all together

People's plans change all of the time because of situations beyond their control. What would you do if he did actually leave? Or if something horrible happened to him as part of his job?

He continuously goes in and out of these phases. First in 2009. Then again in July of this year. Now again in November. Everything gets better and we go back to normal then this arises again. I feel like I'm fighting for my marriage more than I'm enjoying it.

Then you two need to start doing something different. Really different.

Maybe he doesn't get to refuse to go to marriage counseling anymore, since it seems the two of you have been struggling for so long. If he has these dramatic mood swings, maybe he should see someone on his own; I'd think that it as to be impacting other things in his life.

Or, perhaps he's a crazy, narcissistic control freak who likes having you around to look after his kids and clean up after him while he gets to pretend to be single and hang out with the boys. And all he has to do is either threaten to leave or put on a "poor me" act to keep you in line.