Oh yeah - ASD kids are never gonna tell a lie. My oldest has very very mild Asperger's and he could never do that. Maybe just coach your daughter that it's ok to tell OW that she prefers soap.
It is totally weird that OW thinks that (actually, soap is a far better anti-bacterial than almost anything.) I don't suppose there is any chance in h#ll of talking to your ex and asking him to rein in his crazy OW? That's really crossing a boundary there. Especially with an ASD kid who can't fight back.
