Thanks Pud. If I lay down this boundary, it will be a huge 180 for me. I know that it may lead to the end of our marriage, but honestly it has been over for years. I just did not know it until recently.
You are right, I don't want to be friends with H while he continues to hurt me with OW. He said last night that he was sorry for the A, took full ownership of the A and said that he kicked me to the curb and continued to run over me, which I did not deserve and he has stopped. But then he admits that the A is ongoing, that he continues to do things without thinking/caring about whether it would hurt me and then claimed that it was not an A and that OW is just a best friend (saying that he hates the word affair - maybe because it is against your values/morals before H got wrapped up into the A).
I told H that I understand that people change. And that if he needs to make this change, then I understand. If that is his choice and if he continues to put his happiness and his A over myself and our family, then he needs to deal with the consequences. Pretending that the kids are not in a broken family does not make it any less broken.
