Quarter Life Crisis?

[flgurl84]

Hello All Happy Monday. I am on my lunch break and thought I would share a post.

Had a great weekend! And I have a busy busy week coming up.

Friday I spent by myself. Pulled up and Boo and his friend (who he stays with when he needs his alone time) were hanging out at garage. Ive know this friend since I've been with Boo, so I was happy to see him. He had a look of contention in his eyes, didn't get up to hug me, whatever...The Great As If Actress let it roll off her back!! Boo actually got some really good work news, so I congratulated him. He asked what I was doing Sat for dinner, said I wasn't sure and I'd back to him.

Saturday I got up and did 2 hours worth of yard work. My succulent garden looks awesome and I have many plants ready to bloom for the holidays. Succulents are winter bloomers. Very excited. I went for a swim at my mom's BFF's house, my surrogate mother KK. Had a good talk. Got BERRATED by boo with nonsense texts. At noon I sent him a text that I would be home by 7PM and would be cooking, come by and hang if you want. Then at 2PM, he must have gotten to the house, and I wasn't there. I literally had 5-6 texts of pure confusion. Here is out it went:

Boo: Hey Rakey-Do
Boo: Me and Paw are outside, I am cleaning scrap trailer for this week, Paw is sleepy.
Boo: That chicken looks good.
Boo: Where are you today
Boo: I'm having a sad day, gonna pass on chicken tonight.
Boo: Maybe I will come by for chicken. Nom nom nom
(one missed phone call)
Boo: Or maybe not, WTF, u never answer.

I was in the POOOOOOOL!!!! What the heck??? Losing control much? I called him, he didn't answer, left him a nice VM stating I was in KK's pool, would be home by 7pm, gonna cook regardless, come on by if you want.

At 5 when I got home I texted him the same thing. He decided he would be by, but couldn't make it til 8, I reassured him if he didn't want to come I'd be OK. He did end up coming, we had an OK night.

I need to STOP talking about my mom and I's situation. He truly feels like he knows everything and it makes me mad and I can't control my anger about it.

He ended up staying Saturday. Sunday he left for his moms and I left for church and didn't hear from him again til he showed up this morning.

I am doing really good with moving on and I can see it is scarying him. I posted about his Mom's birthday, and how he asked what WE were doing. Saturday he told me he had called his step dad and told him that WE would be by Monday to do dinner at their house. He never even asked me. I told him I was going to an Orchid Society meeting Monday and couldn't go. He asked when I would see his mom, I said I didn't know. He wasn't mad, he seemed excited for me. He thought I was talking about a bromeliad society meeting, which we went to once together, which is in the city an hour north of us, and he questioned me, "All the way up there?" I said, no that's the bromeliad society, this is orchid. But I felt like saying, Whats it to you buddy??? What do you care about me all of a sudden for?? But I didn't.

He also freaked out on my Thursday. I walked a nature trail with MIL and Paw, and when I was done, I drove Paw and I home. I saw I had a missed call from him, but I've been trying to stay off my phone while driving and I was sweaty and just wanted to drive with the windows down and not talk. He called me again and left a somewhat hostile message, he sounded annoyed. "Just trying to get a hold of you, I'm on my way." MIL later told me he had called her looking for me. Its like dude, you leave for days with no call no text. What do you want from me? I'm moving on. I am no sure how to express this to him, or if I even should. I usually don't bring up his rude texts or VM.

I am seriously thinking about getting a second job, to supplement my income. I have explained our financial situation, and this weekend it really hit me. Here I am sitting on my rump, bored as heck. Yea, I do some chores and I see some people and I occupy myself, but wouldn't it be great to go back to waitressing a couple of nights a week. The extra cash would be awesome. I contacted my old manager at a place I worked at before. I plan to go in Friday to talk with her, see if she needs help, since it is season here in FL and all the snowbirds are back.

Just a little back story...and this is where my new anxiety sets in...We both worked at this place, I was a waitress/hostess, he as a busser, in addition to our day jobs. His EA he had in 2008 was with a waitress there. She is no long there. The other half of the story is I had a huge crush on the owner's son, who was a waiter. He had made out, mainly just hung out, nothing major, we never dated, but back in the day I had a major case of unrequited love. Now, (I hope) its different, for me. I hope I am more mature. I think I will always have a special place in my heart for the kid, but all in all, I am still glad I ended up with Boo. The kid (he is 29, like me) is a waiter and lives with his dad, the owner of the restaurant. A gambler. Tried to live this fancy lifestyle, at one point drove a gorgeous BMW, which his dad now drives. He has a Honda. He really has nothing to offer me, as far as starting a life, so I am glad the love was not shared between us. There is also a bartender, older gent, maybe mid forties, who loved me. He would flirt with me, but it just would never have happened.

Boo has a lot of insecurities about them. I almost feel though, at this point, I have to live my life for me. As far as Boo has expressed, I will be nothing more than a friend to him, and he doesn't want this life. He has not expressed anything different than his "renting a room" scenario. So I need to plan for my future and start saving for a down payment on a house. Despite these two guys, the people at this restaurant loved me, and I loved them. They were my family and I haven't seen them since I married Boo. They never wished anything but happiness for me in my life. In fact I found my manager on Facebook and she was ecstatic that I was going to come in and see her. There is no ill will and even though I have been MIA, it feels like they would welcome me with open arms. And I need that right now.

I do not plan on telling them about me and Boo. I plan on wearing my diamonds and basically Acting As If everything is OK.

I am worried about telling Boo though. I know he will be made, but I just don't care at this point. He can say what he will, but he has made his decision to not be around me or in my life and I need to make decisions for me. I know the restuarnt, the people, the food, and they know I have a day job and can work with my schedule. It would just be easier then to find a new job. This will be by far the hardest Acting As If performance I will have to do. I can just hear him, "What if I wanted to be around two women that want to have sex with me???!! How would you feel." I will have to explain that I have changed, I trust you, and you should trust me. I want to be with you, but you are the one who is confused. I am just trying to occupy my time, be around people and make some money. I will clearly tell the bartender and boss's son that I am completely in love with you, which won't be a lie and you are my family and my world. It might also be a good idea, if they hire me back, to come in and show your face, to show we do actually have a relationship, but that is up to you and I won't expect that from you.

That is my plan