AS - Thank you so much for the honest advice. I busted out laughing at my desk at the thought of walking into his parents house, taking a shower and laying in his bed. What the heck have I been thinking? Actually I know what I have been thinking - if he keeps coming over, it will be as if he did not even leave. I need to wake up and get with reality.
I am an enabler. My parents are horrible with boundaries. They were each deprived as children. Their parents never told them that they loved them. They never received gifts, affection, or attention. So my parents raised us completely differently. They love unconditionally, to the point that they are unable to say no. I grew up with the idea that if you love someone, you performed acts of services to show your love. You go out of your way, no matter the personal sacrifices. I am doing the same things with H. And when I do these things, I except love back despite my daily reminders to myself to have no expectations.
I don't think it is healthy for me. Helping each other out is a benefit of marriage. Our marriage is over. H is going to the OW for all of the other benefits of marriage. H either needs to be in or out. I need to focus on helping with things involving the kids and business stuff. I know that I need to stop the personal help.
H and I started dating the first day of college. He went from his parents home, to living in the same dorm as me. I vividly remember standing in the laundry room of our dorm and helping explain how to do laundry. We have been together ever since and I have been filing this role the entire time. I have to let him go and figure this out on his own.
