For the first time I truly truly understand that H is done. He is gone and feels nothing for me.
This is how he feels RIGHT NOW. That could change tomorrow, or next week, or in a year. It happens all the time. Every reconciled M on these forums had a point where the WAS insisted they were 100% done and there was a 0% chance they would change their mind.
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H said he wants the best if both worlds. He wants time with the kids and family time with kids and me and wants to be single and continue his A. His says that our family time is the only thing he and I have left. Without it we will have nothing. H thinks that if we get divorced, we will still have family nights and he will just tell his new girlfriend or wife that she has to be OK with that.
Personally I feel you have to make it clear to him that what he is proposing is not an option. It is not acceptable to you. You are no longer a family and the idea of having "family nights" is preposterous.
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We hang out as a family on the weekends and have dinner together at least once on the weekend.
OK, well there are two schools of thought here. One is that you should keep doing it because it's an opportunity to show him what he will miss after D. The other is to stop it, because as long as you keep doing it he'll never learn to miss you. Personally I would stop it.
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H will take showers at the house, lay in our bed, and still act like it is his house. He will ask me to pick up things for him at the store if I am going.
I'd put a stop to that too. When my W moved out, I asked her to respect my privacy- to let me know when she was coming over, to knock on the door, etc. Let me ask you this, do you go over to your H's place and let yourself in, shower there and lay around on his bed? No? Then why in the world is it OK for him to do that?
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I am a people pleaser so I have a hard time saying no. Especially because it makes me feel needed by him.
Well that's a very honest statement, and I appreciate that you're able to recognize that it's what is going on. Now, do you think this is healthy for you? If you quit doing things to please him, how do you see it changing your sitch? How do you see it affecting you?
