3, can you talk with a DB coach? I feel like that might be really helpful.

It sounds to me like your H has a lot of work to do - it is great that he is in IC, and hopefully he will decide to actually dig deeper and it will help him. But there is nothing you can do about that. So, I think you need to decide what is right for you. It is a strong stance to say "no more." Will it make you feel strong and help you detach? Do you think that you can keep it up? You know you can't draw a boundary and then not enforce it . . . are you prepared for that?

It sounds to me like you have already made your decision . . . you want H to stop letting H walk all over you. If you continue to let him, he won't respect you, and more importantly, YOU won't respect you.

me: 44 XH: 42
M 11 years
D10 and S8
Bomb drop 9/27/13
D final 7/1/14