Today, I took S12 to a college football game, then to buy shoes for basketball season. W acted pissed that I was taking him. Said something about taking him herself to get shoes. I told her I would call/text when we were leaving and we could meet her and S10 to do that.
We left the game early because it was a blowout. I tried to call and text W with no response. Finally, got S12 to try and after 3 tries, she finally answered him. She was no longer interested in meeting us and said to get whatever he wanted. I sent her a pic if one pair of shoes he was looking at because they were the same ones I know she had already purchased him for Christmas. No response. During the whole shopping trip, she is texting S12 on and off.
First off, she was pissed...
She told you this ?
Or you assumed that she was ???
Secondly, you are still trying to "fix" things....
You had your SuperDad cape on, and it got caught in the spokes of your uncertainty-cycle, and ripped off...
Stop looking toward her, for your answers. She doesn't want to be included, then don't try to include her.
THAT will pizz her off more...
You SAY that you have it handled, yet you still contact her for her answers too...
Be one, or the other...
Actions matching the words J...
Or same ol, same ol...
Originally Posted By: JFun51
Finally agree to meet W and S10 for supper when we get back to hometown. Throughout the meal, she is cold and distant with me. Every bit of eye contact has an edge to it. Zero interaction with me.
Stop with the guilt...
She DIDN'T want to be there, you let the kids contact her when YOU knew the answer....
And while you are stopping the guilt....stop with the judgement too...
MLCers can smell fear, and judgement...
Originally Posted By: JFun51
Fast forward to home. Straight back to her room while I watch TV in living room with S12. I fall asleep on the couch and come up to bed around 1am. W is still up, phone in hand. She asks if I'm going to bed and gets up to oh downstairs. *Respecting the boundary. * I get up to go downstairs to get a glass of water and she is sitting oddly next to the table where I keep my phone at night. W immediately says "I'm not looking at your phone." A lie. I get my water and proceed upstairs.
Did you go down to get water ??
Or did you really go down, to see what she was doing ???
If I were a "betting" man, I would bet on the second one...
No running water upstairs ???
Originally Posted By: JFun51
Mistake: I couldn't help myself. I asked if she was OK and if something had happened the last 3 days. I get "I'm done". I ask what that means and why the sudden change to zero communication and I get "I don't want to talk to you. I have nothing to say to you. This isn't about the last 3 days, it's the last 10 years." WTF? I calmly stated that I understood and that she had expressed that already. I assured her that I was trying to clear up why there was zero communication over the last few days. I get "I don't want to fight. I've got nothing to say. I will talk to you tomorrow if you want me to." I left her down there and came to bed.
I don't believe that...
You COULD help yourself. You knew it was a mistake, and you did it anyway, because it is easy to tell yourself, that you couldn't help yourself...
Originally Posted By: JFun51
It's hard to detach from the BS when they are in your face stomping you all the time. Not sure what's going on, but I had a great day with my son. I'll get up in the morning and walk to church with S10 and gave a great day with him. Frustrating. Not sure how to proceed with the financial discussion at this juncture without creating more venom. I'm assuming I'm getting this crap because I went out of my way to do something cool with S12 that didn't involve her and he was really excited about it. Best I can figure. Oh well. More MLC BS. Sad.
It's NOT hard to detach when you are straight up honest...
It is hard to detach when you can always find an excuse to not do better...
And the last line always gets under my skin...
When you say that, you are putting the whole thing on her shoulders, which isn't fair to her for these interactions.
What was YOUR role in all of this ???
Originally Posted By: JFun51
One more thought. One if my good friends lost his father last night. W did bring that up to me as we were going into eat tonight. He lives 2 states away and we both saw it on FB this morning. I said I had seen it and that was end of conversation. Maybe that has triggered something in her today. IDK. I just know the last 3 days have been real different. I haven't gotten this type of spew in a while.
