DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[sbrass]

Feel for you, DTM. Your options are indeed limited. Or so seems to me. Cheating is cheating, whether gay or straight. I can strongly recommend this publication: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Straight_Spouse.pdf
which was a big help for me, after my wife 'came out' to me. There are stages that we all have to go through. It's not your 'fault'. And her 'fault' is not being gay, but cheating on you. Destroying trust.
My wife and I trying are still trying to make our marriage work, but I confess that part of me wishes that she would leave with another woman - which would free me to look elsewhere after years in a low-sex or no-sex marriage. But there's still a lot of love left, even if it's asexual...