M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Just catching up on your situation labug. Glad to hear that you are in a great place.
Thanks for all your great advice on my threads. I really appreciate your interest.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
My H and I did the alternating months thing too, about 10 years ago when marriage counseling was necessary but not an option. It was my own version of how to fix our marriage. I'm a planner, H is not. I think I went first and then he never planned any of his dates, and it fizzled out, and I was resentful. A real mutual cooperative relationship would have opportunities to share and revisit how it's going.
You might consider sharing with H that, being a planner, a few days into the month you were anxious that this wasn't going to happen, that you regret feeling that and actively tried to let it go. He might respect that. You might consider sharing with him that you think this assignment might feel like pressure on him, and see if he feels that way or you're assuming something that isn't there. Does he feel set up to fail on this? Can you have conversations like this without creating more pressure? I would hope to be in a relationship someday where things like this could get aired out.
I've noticed that he seems less of a plan in advance kind of person, and you're more of one, and with monthly dates as a goal, you're going to have to navigate that difference so no one feels set up or let down.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Bug, I finally found you here, in piecing. I agree with Adinva, you can share your feelings with H and see if he feels any pressure. If he does, maybe you need to renegotiate that arrangement. Or, maybe it is not something that comes to him naturally, so you need to give it some more time.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I will have a conversation about expectations and pressure if it gets to that point, so far it's been a lot of speculation by me which is what often gets me in trouble. I need to go back and read what I wrote to SP a few days back regarding reacting based on what we THINK might happen, instead of living life.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Bug, it is always easier to see someone else’s sitch. This is why it is so beneficial to be on this board. I have all the confidence that you will figure it out. You are one of the wisest people on this site.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Labug, I am like you, wanting to have things done a certain way and being the initiator of those things. I also like fun, spontaneous adventures! I like your idea of the alternating months to do something fun. Was that your idea or your H? For me the anticipation and mystery would be exciting. If it was me I would probably say something lighthearted like, "I've got something exciting planned for my month, I think you will really like it, just you wait!". (kind of hinting like, YOUR month is ALSO coming up, hint, hint!) Then just sit back and watch his reaction to gauge where he is at with the idea. If he seems to be flustered upon talking about it, or reacts negatively, then you will know you may have to back off a bit.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
