Hanging on to the roller coaster

[AJM]

CC, that's not an easy place to be. How about starting with research? Ask, read, research how to handle mental illness.

I do agree that if he doesn't really want help, he won't get it. He has to figure that out though.

Hang in there.

AJ

[CallaghanClown]

The emotional zombie returned today.....a day later than expected but she returned. I've been neither use nor ornament today. Took the kids to the cinema so I could hide my pain, but it didn't work. The kids can read me like a book.

I'll get through it. I have to. Just wish everything didn't seem so hard. I'm signing up to Al anon and OA Meetings this week. I'm not using food as a weapon yet but I know I will soon enough, or I already am but haven't realised it yet.

[CallaghanClown]

Feeling the strain of being a single parent today. Only for about an hour, but it would have been great to have someone to just take over for a few hours just for a rest.

Instead we joined a friend and her family and had some fun together. 3 adult and 4 kids.....much better. Felt sad but my husband was never around anyway, so it was no different to before. I wonder if he'll ever miss me???

I do miss the family time we used to have. Lots. He's starting to let the kids down more often. Calling after they're in bed and not even asking after them, just like before. Saying he can't visit them because he doesn't have any money, then going to expensive bars with friends...... Then he gets angry when we're not here whenever he wants us or at the end of the phone.

Other than the not even asking about the kids.....it's totally out of character.

I've tried having family time with other families, with my family, with my friends, but nothing feels as good as the days us 4 had together. Even when we have family time together now, it's better than any alternative ive tried.

With time this will pass.

[CallaghanClown]

Struggling badly today. I just can't seem to do anything. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I never want to see him again the next I can think of nothing but getting him back. All irrational but I've obviously been swept away by my emotions today. To be honest I'm writing this here now just for the sanity of it.

I'm not sure if we had a baby step last night. H said "your sister said I may regret all this in years to come, I think she's may be right". I just smiled and said "I'm sorry you feel like that". I wanted to say "then don't bloody do this then, get some help and let's work through this". But I didn't and I won't.

I'm off to therapy now and I can't wait. I need to offload. I feel like a burden on others. The longer this goes on the harder it is to keep going on and on about it with others. I've got one friend that I sound off to because I can be 100% honest with her. If I snoop I'll tell her and she'll tell me off but she'll help me pick myself up after I find stuff too. I can tell her when I want my H back and when I'd rather he vanished off the face of the earth. She was the first person I called when he threatened to kill someone the other day and I know she's there day or night for me.

Thank goodness for friends.

[job]

Breathe! You are going to have days like this, i.e., emotions all over the place. It's very normal. Feel the emotions and then let them go. Generally when this happens, it means that you are getting ready to have a little bit of a growth spurt on your journey.

What has thrown you is his comment last evening. They do tend to say things and don't realize how insensitive they are because they are thinking out loud. Sometimes it is their way of taking our temperatures to see if we will react to their comments, other times, well...they are clueless. Let the comment go for now.

You are not a burden to others. I'm sure you have been there for your friends and family and when they have a crisis. You are a very special individual who requires some TLC during this time. Call your close friend after therapy and have lunch w/her or meet up w/her this evening.

Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself a bit because you've had an emotional ride today.

[labug]

Did you check out any AlAnon meetings you could attend?

It's not your job to take care of him of be there if when he hits bottom. You have no idea when that will be, if ever. Your job is you and your kids.

Here are some guidelines for boundaries:
HAVE CLEARLY DEFINED EXPECTATIONS.
CLEARLY DEFINED CONSEQUENCES THAT DON'T DISRUPT YOUR SERENITY.
SET THEM CLEARLY.
COMMUNICATE THEM CLEARLY.
ENFORCE THEM CONSISTENTLY
WITHOUT REGARD FOR THE RELATIONSHIP (RELEASE ANY EXPECTATIONS)

(Sorry for the caps, I'm not really yealling)

Take care.

[CallaghanClown]

Stop yelling......only kidding!

Boundaries need to be set!

I've def had a break through today, I really feel like I've talk about some things I've never discussed with anyone ever. For someone like me, that is fiercely private, this is progress.

I'm reading 'women that love too much' anyone tried it?

[sayitaintso]

Glad to hear about your progress.

Maybe make a journal of breakthroughs like this so when you are having a rough time you can look at it and see how far you've come.

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks sayitaintso that's a great idea. I think I'm going to have a nighttime journal next to the bed or start a blog. About time I entertained others with my rambling crazy life.

You never know. It could be the making of me!

[CallaghanClown]

Did you check out any AlAnon meetings you could attend?

It's not your job to take care of him of be there if when he hits bottom. You have no idea when that will be, if ever. Your job is you and your kids.

Here are some guidelines for boundaries:
HAVE CLEARLY DEFINED EXPECTATIONS.
CLEARLY DEFINED CONSEQUENCES THAT DON'T DISRUPT YOUR SERENITY.
SET THEM CLEARLY.
COMMUNICATE THEM CLEARLY.
ENFORCE THEM CONSISTENTLY
WITHOUT REGARD FOR THE RELATIONSHIP (RELEASE ANY EXPECTATIONS)

(Sorry for the caps, I'm not really yealling)

Take care.

Al anon tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.