Hanging on to the roller coaster

[CallaghanClown]

Struggling badly today. I just can't seem to do anything. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I never want to see him again the next I can think of nothing but getting him back. All irrational but I've obviously been swept away by my emotions today. To be honest I'm writing this here now just for the sanity of it.

I'm not sure if we had a baby step last night. H said "your sister said I may regret all this in years to come, I think she's may be right". I just smiled and said "I'm sorry you feel like that". I wanted to say "then don't bloody do this then, get some help and let's work through this". But I didn't and I won't.

I'm off to therapy now and I can't wait. I need to offload. I feel like a burden on others. The longer this goes on the harder it is to keep going on and on about it with others. I've got one friend that I sound off to because I can be 100% honest with her. If I snoop I'll tell her and she'll tell me off but she'll help me pick myself up after I find stuff too. I can tell her when I want my H back and when I'd rather he vanished off the face of the earth. She was the first person I called when he threatened to kill someone the other day and I know she's there day or night for me.

Thank goodness for friends.