Working more on me!

[mishka422]

Oh, we will have fun for sure. I just know how stressful Thanksgiving away from home can be. The chalet is beautiful, sleeps all 30+ of us, and it's in the Smoky Mountains...how bad could it be right? Gabe isn't going. Just me and Marc. It's a bummer but he can't get off work since he has only worked there a month and was gone for 1 week of that to his goddaughter's wedding.

[BeginningAgain]

Very true - Thanksgiving seems to be one holiday that brings out the stress level in even the calmest of families! The chalet sounds great and how neat it is to be able to get together with so many family members! I hope you have a blast and sorry that Gabe isn't able to join you.

BA

[karen43]

Hey, Mish, your recent posts reminded me for some reason about a book I ran across around my divorce and thought "hey wish I'd seen that a couple years ago" but Michelle Weiner-Davis gave it a great review on Amazon, and it looks like it might be good, so maybe you could inter-library loan it or something but it's called: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Stosny. Anyway....just a thought...

karen

[mishka422]

I have heard about that book. I should probably get it and see if I can apply any of the principles. It can't hurt, right?

[kat727]

It is certainly worth a shot. I do however believe that the best thing to learn how to do is to talk about what you need. What kind of relationship will you have if you are afraid of being open and honest? Is this how your relationship was like before the divorce? Weren't you able to discuss problems or concerns?

I hope you find the strength with in yourself to change. To create the life you want and deserve. Honestly dear, you deserve happiness but no one is going to hand it to you. You have to make this happen.

Hugs, kat

[mishka422]

I do want happiness but I honestly have no idea how to achieve that.

No, we never talked through problems, concerns, feelings, nothing. Gabe runs if we have any kind of disagreement. Because of the reactions I got in the early days taught me not to rock the boat or face watching him run off. He was never gone more than a few hours at a time cooling off but when he came back home nothing was ever discussed. It was all swept away.

Dysfunctional much?

[kat727]

After Bryan cheated right after we were married,we didn't talk much about it. I still loved him, he promised not to hurt me again and I had fertility issues. So I went ahead and stayed. It was always in the back of my mind.

His whole thought was it was in the past get over it. I believe you have to learn from the past in order to not repeat the same mistakes over and over. Well he is repeating history in many ways. I am trying to do things better.

Mish, you have got to tear down those walls. You can create happiness in yourself and in your relationship. Write down some of what you do want and note what you don't. Don't talk yourself out if anything, just write it down for now. Please do this.

kat

[mishka422]

I will definitely work on it.

Thank you!

[mishka422]

I am SOOOO nervous! My baby boy (aka - Marc...yes, I know he's not a baby anymore!) is being picked up by his Navy recruiter from school today and taken to a hotel for an overnight before his military physical tomorrow. If he passes this physical they will have him take the oath of service and he will be in the delayed entry program. That will give him a slot in training shortly after he graduates so he wouldn't be on a waiting list.

I'm not nervous about him joining the Navy. I've been encouraging him for several years. I'm nervous about him passing the physical. They fail people for the tiniest little thing. Marc has 2 toenails on one slightly deformed toe. Goodness knows, that may be enough to fail him. Who knows? I'm a nervous wreck! If he doesn't pass this, he has NO backup plan.

Breathing deeply....trying to calm myself down.....NOT WORKING!

[kat727]

So what happened??

kat