I can see where in the past I have failed to meet her needs. I quit trying.
Same here Icecoldw. I loved to pinch my W's bottom when walking around or at the shops, nothing big, just a small I care. She constantly told me to stop it, didn't like it when in public. So I stopped it, probably not just in the public. I gave up initiating sex, I enjoyed it, but got so sick of the not in the mood, tired, sick, the kids will wake up, etc...etc. that I gave up trying. And I suppose this is our problem, we shouldn't have given up, but tried a different approach, or better still talk to the W about it. You last comment is right on, it is a gift we have been given. I don't like how it has been given, but boy, what a great gift to be a better person.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
It's funny you bring up her being sick, mine would catch a cold around October and it would last until mar. Since she got this job, she has not been sick or complained about any aches and pains, which I think is great for her.
I tried to talk to her about her job just to make small talk, she didn't talk about it like she did back in sept, I guess they've moved a lot of people around and it's not as much fun anymore.
M 47 W 38 My S 21 Her S 17 Our S 8 M 8 DB 9/5/13
"You don't know how strong you are until strength Is all you have" Bob Marley
I can see where in the past I have failed to meet her needs. I quit trying.
Same here Icecoldw. I loved to pinch my W's bottom when walking around or at the shops, nothing big, just a small I care. She constantly told me to stop it, didn't like it when in public. So I stopped it, probably not just in the public. I gave up initiating sex, I enjoyed it, but got so sick of the not in the mood, tired, sick, the kids will wake up, etc...etc. that I gave up trying. And I suppose this is our problem, we shouldn't have given up, but tried a different approach, or better still talk to the W about it. You last comment is right on, it is a gift we have been given. I don't like how it has been given, but boy, what a great gift to be a better person.
Ugh. I am your W. I was such a PIA about that stuff - the kids are going to wake up, I'm tired, blah blah blah. My H gave up trying because he was sick of being rejected. And I felt like the burden was too big for me to carry, so what did we do? Just lived like that. H getting resentful and grouchy, me not liking that he was grouchy . . . and now here we are. Isn't it annoying how now as LBSs we have so much figured out, and it's so clear what we should have done - just something different!!! Why didn't we figure that out before? Argh.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
That's an excellent question. I think I just got complacent and thought this is how marriage is suppose to be, not a problem it just a phase it will change. Guess what, it changed alright my w had to give me a wake up call and now will be living at her parents.
M 47 W 38 My S 21 Her S 17 Our S 8 M 8 DB 9/5/13
"You don't know how strong you are until strength Is all you have" Bob Marley
Went to church tonight, it's funny how god is putting me in different places to receive his message. The past couple of weeks the message has pertained to me changing my life, not being afraid, loneliness, disappointment etc. I have been going to two different churches, I have gone to mine twice I think because I don't want to have to keep telling people my w at home. The other one is up the road and I have been going to night services, 180 from when I normally go.
Speaking about the w she has been acting a little different today. I didn't say anything about her not being here last night, I wasn't here when she came home, I was at church. Then she kept saying we today. Then when I was going to church tonight, she asked if I was going to start going twice on sun. Why would this matter if she is moving out next week? She said she wanted to go to the gym about the same time I went to church, she has been going to the gym on the weekends after me and my s go to bed for the past 3 months. Doesn't make since, I know do not spend a lot of time if any trying to figure it out. I just find it odd.
M 47 W 38 My S 21 Her S 17 Our S 8 M 8 DB 9/5/13
"You don't know how strong you are until strength Is all you have" Bob Marley
Still good to have figured it out now rather than never - hopefully not too late for our Ms, but if so, then at the very least we will be happier with the people we have become through our journey of self discovery. Sounds like small solace to me if the M is lost, but that's because I am thinking pretty narrow mindedly right now. We just need to hang in there and know we are doing the right thing!!!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Icecold, it sounds like you have a wise friend. I wrote this in someone else's thread the other day and I will repeat it....God's plan is actually not that different from DB. He wants us to trust Him completely by giving our spouse, worry and pain over to Him, then He wants us to go live & work on us (180s & gal) while He handles it.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
