Don't know what to think

[T-boned]

Journaling:

Had a rather down week last week. Have cried every day since about Tuesday. I feel very low, hurt, confused, lonely and unable to rally.

On my drive home from work on Friday I was listening to a book on tape, Daring Greatly by Brene' Brown, and she was talking about how having a spouse cheat on you is easier to deal with than the emotional detachment that happens when your spouse leaves you. I was sobbing - I had to pull over so I didn't get in an accident.

I know a lot of this stems from feeling like I've lost so much in this whole thing - since I didn't have a choice in all this. How can he just walk away like this? Is he feeling any pain to this degree? He'll never see or know what I've been going through although at times I wish he could. But I also know I can't make him love me if he can't. I'm starting to cry writing this so I guess I better quit.