"You're My Best Friend"

[reachingHigher]

Thank you, TVS, PM, and T^2!!!!

I'll try to get to your thread, TVS, soon to comment. I started a comment this weekend but didn't finish it yet.

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I wanted to journal about our weekend b/c I feel we made continual advances in our reconciliation.

H prepared everything very well and seemed very excited. He even went out of his way to go by a drugstore to get me a prescription, whereas in the past he would have resented helping me.

He bought a small bottle of champagne for us to share in the hotel room and put it on a bucket of ice for us.

Some good things:

> We listened to a podcast together on the trip out. It was an interview with A. J. Jacobs (year of living Biblically) and he talked about experimenting in his life with his habits. I liked this as it showed H and I we don't have to be "stuck" in routines.

> H and I had a lot of good convo. We discussed loneliness. We talked about some things during his crisis. He doesn't remember ANY of the hurtful things he said to me, October, 2011. When I described some things he said, he looked at me like someone telling an intriguing story.

> We talked about the future. I asked H if there were adventure trips...out of the country or here in the U.S. that he would like to do. He asked me the same.

> While at the restaurant, H mentioned it would be interesting if such-and-such celebrity couple walked in. And interesting if celebrity W grabbed celebrity H's cellphone to see who he was texting. H said it is reported they have that agreement. So we talked about that. I said that appeared controlling and disrespectful to the H. My H said that H's that have W's that have access to their smartphone...just get a second phone! Lol!

So we talked about the men's need for their privacy. We brought up the issue that men used to have Elk's Lodge, Rotary club, etc. H's dad used to have a retirement club supper he attended once a month that H's mom despised. So I saw the need for this privacy. I told H that since he doesn't have such a club, I can think of his smartphone as his Elk's Lodge and that can help me get through moments of jealousy!

> Not everything went picture-perfect. There was a moment that H was in the mood to do something and right then I wasn't into the idea. Hey, I'm only human! So, we got dressed up and went out on-the-town.

H said wherever you wanna go. So I picked a happy-looking bar. H mentioned it had the "younger crowd". The place was packed and at shouting-level convo's. I said not here. He said, bars are loud.

Next door was a quiet place. It had beautiful lighting, votive candles and was filled with couples, small groups of friends, and singles. It had nicely-framed sets of windows around the edges so you didn't feel like you were in a dark hole. It was so comfortable. H and I spent an hour there talking and laughing.

Him: this is your kind of place.

Me: (smile) Yes. Was the place next door your kind of place?

Him: (pondering) Yes, I think so.

I'm okay with us being different. And I've been many places just to please H. I was so happy he came with me just to please me. But he was so somber and low key. I had seen him this way before during replay. Like a switch went off in his brain during the evening.

We talked about this incident today. I asked if he felt like he did the other times when he acted so differently. He said no, it was a different feeling then back then. I asked him to use a word to describe how it made him feel. He couldn't. But he said we had a very nice weekend still.

> I got some more answers of what it was like during MLC. I would ask non-threatening questions at times such as, didju feel like you spent a lot of time alone in your apartment thinking or didju feel like you were out with friends most of the time?

Then I contrasted his answer with my own experience of what it was like when I was living alone before H and I M so that he didn't feel I was putting him on the spot. I do this often when I want answers. And I have gotten a lot. I just don't pass judgment and then show how his experience is common to other people's, etc. It gets me a lot of answers to questions I have.

> I drove on the way back and H seemed really happy and pleasant. As we got closer to home, he wanted to listen to another podcast. He picked the subject: death and dying. It was very intense. I asked him if it was making him feel "anxious" and he said "not too much". But he was riveted to the broadcast. So we were able to talk a little about that subject with each other.

The fact he picked that subject told me some about what he was thinking about.

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I feel good about where H and I are. I like that the whole weekend wasn't picture perfect. Life will never be that way. We have to flow with people, their moods, unexpected circumstances and still be okay with how things go.

I feel we drew closer together this weekend.
I still feel like H's best friend.