WAS left, focusing on me, DB'ing like an amateur

[Mimi00]

I think you are letting you emotions run your thoughts a bit.
We all do....so sometimes its best to take a few days to sit our sitch down, rest, then go back and look at things with new eyes once our emotions settle.

No one knows what's going through your W's head....but she may be scared of seperating from you financially until she's sure she can handle things on her on and that's why she wants to keep the joint account and make joint payments. I'm sure a vet can correct me if I am wrong...but as the WAS is that considered caking eating? Or would the right thing to do be to allow her that support until she feels ok? Again that's something you'd have to step away from you emotions to decide on.

Also I say simply ask for clarification if you want to know her reasoning...when she says thing like she wans to keep a joint account ask why she feels that would be best (in a way where she doesnt get defensive of course)? And then you won't have to guess her reasons.....based off of her answer you can then come to a decision.

I know we are supposed to validate our spouses feelings....but I think sometimes we confuse this with don't say anything at all and let them say whatever, whenever. Use the times you meet with her to practice relationship skills like better communication and compromise as well.

You said you'd like a crystal ball so you'd know if you should continue to DB....as we've all been told before, DB is really for us. If you weren't DBing how would you deal with you W differently during this process and is the who you'd want to be moving forward?

Whatever changes you make need to stick regardless of W....so if one day you do talk to the red head in church (lol) you don't repeat the same mistakes. There are so many on the forum who are on their second marriages, who DB'd previously, got positive results and then "backslid" bc the changes they made may not have truly been for them, only to get the spouse back. So make sure you are in this for you!