Job is right, they have to be at a certain point in the crisis to even entertain hearing what you might say.
The tricky thing is, I think we may believe that we HAVE to wait to that point to talk to them. We don't. We don't have to do anything we don't want to do.
Nero, I had come to a point where I can honestly say I was fully prepared for him to leave. In fact, I wanted it. I felt like this could go on indefinitely because he was getting the best of both worlds. Yes, living a double life was also taking its toll on him, but he kept it going.
I thought - what's the worst that could happen if he left? Maybe he and FT need to be together without me as a buffer. Let her try to fill all his needs.
Never mind that she's married too! I mean really, where is their R going to go long term???
I also thought - let HER be the one to worry about ME. Which I think she does anyway. Perhaps she would like to live a life always watching her back, waiting for when my H would betray her.
Doesn't sound too romantic to me.
FY, H and I didn't really discuss our R (or lack of one) during the past two years. Not counting bomb, we maybe had 2-3 talks. We would go long periods of time without discussing anything.
Which can be a catch 22 - yes, he SAID we needed to communicate more, but I can think of several times during this crisis where he sabotaged any attempts at communication.
Because DB is often doing the opposite of what we feel/think we should do, I think that while it may be tempting to try to talk to the MLCer, it's often a waste of time.
I also think that just because we aren't specifically talking about the M, it doesn't mean things aren't happening. On the contrary, I think if we don't pressure them and give them space and time to figure it out on their own, that's when some progress may happen.
Prior to the talk, I had also decided that I wasn't done with my H, our M, or standing. I was just done with the status quo. Not that I was going to share this with him
Who knows what's going to happen in the future. Part of me still feels like he needs to be away from me and living here to make it all the way through. I'm not totally convinced he fully understands all he has to lose. But I do think some things are finally percolating up there...
Heather, indifference is hard. Detaching is hard. Loving someone who hurts us so much is hard. Hell, this is all hard!!!
I hope you get to a point one day where you can talk to your H and he hears you. But no matter what, you have proven yourself to be strong enough to live a good and happy life - whether or not you love house cleaning
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
