And one more question . . . what is your mindset with all of this? Do you allow yourself to think that things are going to work out with your spouse? How do you keep that hope there, without relying on it to get you through each day? That is one of the things I am having trouble with. I start feeling good about GAL, 180ing, his reactions to it, etc. And then one little thing crushes me. (Seeing the new keys on his keychain; him sleeping downstairs on the couch after having been with me the night before; etc.) Would love to hear how others manage their thoughts and expectations.
I have always thought things will work out with my spouse and I think yours has a good chance, seeing where your H is and the script he is using. The thing is, expectations will drive you crazy, these are the first thing you let go. I just tell myself that I have a plan and will end up in the exact same place whether or not H is with me. So far, so good
And one more question . . . what is your mindset with all of this? Do you allow yourself to think that things are going to work out with your spouse? How do you keep that hope there, without relying on it to get you through each day? That is one of the things I am having trouble with
See above. I think that a positive attitude towards things working out is a must. Just as long as it's not delusional lol
Also, H is acting so happy it's almost manic - it's a little disturbing. I don't know if it's fake, or if he's just so happy now that he has a cool apartment and kids who worship him.
AS had a good response...it's cool until it's not. And it's fake. I thought H was totally happy with Massage Girl, I was p*ssed that he had no responsibility every day in terms of the kids or house and that everyday was amazing party day. I was wrong. As he said three months later "You got happy. I didn't" Here we are a year later and he is further along his path but happy? No. Your H will eventually realize that the happiness lies in him and you are not the cause of his unhappiness. That moving out will not cause happiness. But because some WAS take many many years to come to the realization (and some never do) is the reason you focus on you.
I need to try to see this from his POV, stop being selfish, and remind myself that my happiness and self confidence comes from within and not from H and not from the way my kids act.
Absolutely as to the happiness from within. Takes a while to get to this point. But you are not selfish and you really don't need to see his point of veiw. You can't deny his POV, but you don't have to agree with it.
Is that an expectation I need to erase from my mind? I'm not sure how to do that! I know, keep the hope but lose the expectations - not sure how to separate the two. It's kind of like not believing anything they say and only half of what they do . . . what am I supposed to do with that?
The longer you live for you, PMA, GAL the easier it gets. When you have a close relationship with your H and he has indicated that he wants to "be friends" "rebuild" etc. It is especially hard not to think "Hurry up and get there" The thing is, you have to build your life and be prepared to keep living it without H, if necessary. I've told my H that I have a great life. Having him in it would make it better, but it's a great life right now. If H threw coming back into the path I am on now, that path would not change-not in the least.
