H said that he wished I had spoken to him sooner, that we need to get better at communication, that we shouldn't go so long without talking.
I said - this is true. Before all this happened, I was not great about talking to you when I was upset. That is something I need to work on.
we're bad at this too. it alwasy never seems "easy" or the rite time to "talk" to a non-talker. a person whose policy is to NEVER talk about his feelings-
i wonder HOW _ WE BEGIN - after sooooooo many years to talk more to each other and communicate more effectively. it's soooooo easy to talk to women or almost anhyone else alive- and soooooooo hard with him- about him - becasue it's soooo important? i guess??? idk- just relate like mad and see it as something that is our "problem" also.
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This surprised me, because to be honest, I didn't feel like he saw me struggling. He was already in the early stages of his crisis.
io wonder and hope that my h notices anything at all "with me". i don't think he does - it's all about him in life. maybe - maybe i've not known his mlc began ten years ago- he said in beginning he's been unhappy for ten years!!! all i could say was "were you going to say something about it???" e ver""" wtf to be fair- his comment last week that "he doesn't have the right to say it" "that he misses hearing my voice when we don't speak for a few days" - was wierd & interesting. to hear that he acknowledges he doesn't have a right to feel it- because of what he's "done" with is mlc- idk
YOU ALSO say somewhere that you didn't want to hear his voice or see his face. i know----- i get that way too , i'm soooo tired of being relegated to a stinkin ten minute phone call once a day- there's sooooo much more to me as a peson that that - a f'ing phone call.
it's stilted andwierd to try and make it "do" or mean someting. when i know he's with her or seen her- i do not pick it up- i can't. i just don't want to know he's alive then- and wonder each time if it will "stick" the next time - or this time. i have a bad feeling it will one time- i'll never pick up again- he can go drift away - and good riddance.
ya gotta wonder 0- no??? i can't even imagine sex because i don't even want to look at him sometimes, the damage he's wrought.
it's such an insane thing - isn't? trying and trying and STANDING and at the very same time hosting such anger and resentment of the exact same person-
eeeeek- she's-a-gonna-blow .....
thanks for sharing- i know i said it- but i sure liked reading your thoughts that mirror my own and seeing what you're doing - feeling- trying-
a ray of hope (dim and wattery - but there)
your comments seem like hopeful stuff - i despair of there being any life after mlc -
