will write later fromupstaisrs. just lost another response to yhou- this laptop is killin me- i'll just read awhile more with coffee then go reply.
hang on- i feel sooooooo mch like you. don't want to embrace or accept the hate. it's there- i'm sick of it.
i don't want to be m mopther- i don't know how to fix this mess- there's got to be an snwer somewhere. the having patience thing seems to be something-
him being with her- me knowing- it's the killer. idk how long i can manage - i'm getting excellent at one day at a time- it's just feeling like i'm wasting my own life l& love.
tho- not doing anhytikng more fancy with hit- but the knowing in the bafk of myh mind- it prevents me from being more definitive alot of time.
oh well huh? same old junk - two years later and we're hurt as hell still, in pain, continuing to make do- buty not happy abouty it. ourt "portion" of pain in life??? idk- aren't we both one little bit improved aND PHILOSOPHICl in life or something????
we truly can't be as raw and f'd up as we were two years ago- can we???
idk
xxoo hang on man- there's something out there forus- some answer some how- it'll appear i think - one way or the other. can't firm that up- i don't know what it is- but i feel sure it's there, somewhere, if we could just catch it...
