you had convo i wish i could/would. soo same as me - it's creepy. except i have no such convo going on. my h has ow who was a friend of mine back in the day also. i cannot stand the thought of her. they both "back stabbed"me. idk what one does with that info.
your script was good stuff - well put and in control. i don't go there - BUT FEEL EXACTLY like you- living this life that is a big ole lie stinks. i'm not his buddy or roomie or sister or w hatever. he & his "friend" have sex and that is that. i hate it- and that is that. he "cares a great deal for me", "wants me to stay in his life" he pays bills, he "enjoys my company" but HONESTLY- he's immersed in his sepatate life more of the time- to enable him to have constant contact with her and i am not kidding myself.
i hate that too. i am a gutless worm here tho- i think honestly if i said choose - he'd pick her. i think about this mwd is rite.
like you i don't think he even is aware of how much pain for how long he's caused - and the stupid and rotten things he's said.
it's allll abouth im- he did say lately he was confsed (it's smaLL BUT FOR HIM it's huge - to even move his stupid lips and initiate any kind of talk about his feelings).
it hasn't changed one thing tho- he is still there doing what he's doing. (down in fl while i'm here in nj). i said i wanted to go back down to fla for awhile and see my family & hang out- he's coming up here wed to drive me back down there.
don't know if it's a mistake on my part to just go in and "reclaim" a bit where i've lived for 38 yrs, or if i should just be staying rite away and havingh my life up here.
i kind of can't "get ON" with my life for real with it allup in the air like it is. he doesn't get that - or care really i think.
i feel sooooo exactly like you- maybe i'd rather just stop it and go cold turtkery (tho i'll be mighty lonely and alone) rather than this crap of knowing they're togehert when they are. and i do.
makes me hate them both sometimes- i distract myself away- bit it's in the background and i do not like going there. i don't like being this person- and i'm afraid it will stick someday and i'll be bitter and angry and hateful like my mother - eeeeeeek.
i mean it- EEEEEEK -. don't like to even think it.
feel like (as usual) my hands are tied- soooo DIDJA KNOW WHEN THE TIME WAS RITE? AND PLUNGE IN... I CAN't get a reading or feeling for that- i got blubbering at the foodstore this past week- it's just the sheer exhaustion of it all-
wtf??? good luck- you sound like you're doing great so far handling this really low pointy- i hope it's alto the beghinniong for you of a upward swing. it's inspring and yourh said some good tings. i'd like to even hear my h say he wants to remain in a life with me, etc. as yours did. i'd take it-
i am bummed by this two house ting- and separate lives is so hard on the nerves and i can't figure how to fix it really.; everyone says "just do this, and just do that" but it never seems really that easy. well, unless i'm totally without one shred of caring whether it goes one way or the other.
i guess back to the moment when we don't care whethr the r survives or dies -
oh well- flounder flounder - thanks for sharing- it's hopeful stuff to us out here....
