New to the board, fairly newly LBS from MLC.

[tigerlily78]

Well, wouldn't it just figure. Weeks ago, (oct 21) when the WAS went AWOL for 48 hours I sent a Facebook message to the OW expressing my feeling that although I was letting WAS "explore his emotions" I did still love him and was not throwing him out of my life or advocating for their affair. I was NOT taking a break from him and that we were still being intimate. Also that my sticking around did NOT mean I was okay with him being completely selfish and irresponsible and doing things like taking off for an evening and then leaving me in the dark for prolonged periods without letting me know he was okay, especially when he knew I needed the car for one of our son's events and waited until the last minute to get in touch with me to let me know I would have to make other arrangements. I also added a definition of midlife crisis and rebound relationships to illustrate that as special as they both feel, there's a pretty good chance they are self deluded. I know NOW that was not a good idea. I sent it before I had read better advice and didn't have a way of retracting it. It was going to her "other" folder so I figured there was a good chance she might never see it.

I also told WAS that I had sent this message when he got home after the 48 AWOL event, and I let him read what I sent. He actually said it was a "decent message" and after reading it I think he took a fair amount of my points to heart.

Well, of course now that the message was received he got a little pissy about it. Apparently after she read the message she browsed my page and saw my family pics of us and some posts I made eluding to some recent intimacy we had that I found quite pleasing and messages of gratitude and hope that with a little work we could still reconcile. At some point previously I had promised WAS that I "would not tell OW that we were still being intimate... and he feels he added on a provision that I shouldn't tell ANYONE." Well, nothing in my posts specifically said "we had sex", and they were on MY facebook page, which I never presumed the OW would give a flying fruck to view. She has my WAS, if she cared that he had a committed partner and a wife of 15+ years she probably would have made a different decision from the outset. :P

So WAS tells me I MUST remove these posts from my facebook, and demands that I verify that I made a PROMISE not to tell her and that this activity violated that promise. I argued that what I posted was for my own edification, not meant for her or even him. (If he was bothering to may any attention to MY facebook he probably would have seen the messages earlier and could have asked me to remove them sooner, but he didn't care about MY facebook until it affected HIM and his delusional fling.) I said that I guess I had violated the provision about "not telling anyone", but it was honestly not my intention to out him for playing two women (which he is doing, but clearly I think I have a better handle on what my situation is than SHE does), I posted what I did for my own reasons of self esteem.

Well, end resolution is he decides he STILL wants to keep up what he is doing, but wants me to remove my posts. Apparently OW was somehow mollified over both the note and the messages, I am sure he managed to convince her that I am just mean and vindictive and a liar, and just made those posts to make it LOOK like something is going on. How funny is that. You get into a relationship with someone based on a misrepresentation/lie of their relationship status and living arrangements, and then when you get the tiniest inkling that they might be lying to you about something else... you turn up the denial and accept that you can TRUST the liar over the spouse they betrayed?

Well, I already knew this OW is kind of a headcase, but her acceptance of his rationalizations and MORE lies really just takes the cake.

I guess in a way though she is actually doing me a favor. Now they can still break up eventually under the weight of their own emotional issues and/or selfishness than me having to bear the weight of his resentment for "breaking them up."

He says he is not mad. (really? bizarre) Since this situation didn't rock his love boat too much, I guess he is willing to overlook it, because he still wants to be with me too. Man, if I could get some of the drugs he is under the influence of. After this debacle we had a talk/argument, I validated, I apologized, I said I was very remorseful for having broken his trust. In the end he wanted to RENEW our agreement to keep being intimate but keep it between the two of us ONLY and reiterated that it was bad timing, since he was really starting to feel like we had potential again, but he wasn't going to hold this against me, that he understood it was a much smaller kind of betrayal than the one he inadvertently brought against me with "falling for someone else." (Again, drugs? One minute I deserve this and the next I don't) He ended up coming to sleep in our bed with me for the first night in about two weeks. I don't know how that plays into his reconciliation with OW. I am trying not to press for details until he offers them. He went over there to return something of hers this afternoon and to pick up some of his things. At first I thought this meant they were splitsville afterall, but he didn't bring back everything, he told me later he just went to get his skates because he is skating tonight on his own.

He said he intended to come home tonight too after skating. Guess we will see how that goes. It was nice having him in the bed even though my mind was spinning from anxiety, remorse, guilt, etc from wondering how the message situation would be resolved.