I hope all goes well at your meeting on saturday. Congrats of the weight loss as well. I think its a good idea to slow down the contact until you two meet up...its great you two have been communicating well though. Have a great weekend!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
I'm nervous and a bit anxious. I'm hoping for a positive interaction, but trying to go in with low expectations. I'm comfortable telling her we need to put the house on the market, I'll need her help/input to market it to make sure we get top dollar.
We'll need to fix the landscaping and stuff, get good pictures, and decide which furnishings to list for sale on craigslist or wherever. If I decided to keep the house myself, I have a feeling this process would be over very quickly. So I guess selling the house will be the next step in our journey.
I've been looking at 80 pound German Shepherd friendly apartments, there aren't many. It's going to be such a change for her to no longer be a house dog where she can stay outside while I'm at work. No more letting her out the door when she needs to go to the bathroom. She'll be an apartment dog, it'll be a big change for both of us. Not really looking forward to that, but if that's the way it has to be, bring it on.
I hope all is well with you too, keep up your PMA and acting as if
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Not gonna lie, a bit anxious about the meeting this evening. Going to be upbeat and positive. I'm looking good and have self confidence. Hopefully will be a positive interaction.
Looking for her insight on how to market the house to get top dollar for it. And thoughts on when to decide what to sell/keep.
No R or M talk.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
You've got this K! Just take a deep breath and be your best self. Don't feel rushed to settle everything in one meeting, if you aren't sure about something let her know you'll get back to her about it. I think things will go well!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Seriously consider what it would take to keep the house and just re-fi in your name. banks are generally amenable to re-fis to keep the house payments coming.
Apartment living [censored]. Get a room mate... Whatever it takes.
Just a thought.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Met with the W for a little over 20 minutes. I asked her what kind of coffee she thought I would enjoy, and then took her recommendation. It was great.
I kept it pretty business like, handed over her mail, and the statement of our closed out joint savings account. She gave me the book I requested.
We talked awhile about her work, she said she still loves her job. I asked what kind of car she planned to buy after we traded cars back next week. She mentioned something about not getting one because she probably wouldn't be able to afford it. I didn't address anything relating to money.
I told her we would need to put the house on the market and asked for her input on that. I mentioned we would need to make arrangements for the dog for showing the house, and she mentioned taking our dog for awhile. But that she didn't do the back and forth trading off thus far because it would have killed her. I didn't address that either, just let it hang.
Eventually, I kind of just abruptly said, well, I gotta get going and started getting ready to leave which seemed to catch her off guard.
We walked to the cars and I apologized (Don't 2X4 me!) as part of my repentance and spiritual cleansing for going against God's way when we were engaged. We lived together and had premarital sex and my pastor advised me to repent and ask her for forgiveness as well for pressuring her to move in and to have premarital sex. This seemed to have a big affect on her, but of course I don't know for sure. I asked her to please find it in her heart to forgive me for that. She thanked me for what I said. She seemed to get a little teary eyed.
It seemed like she was going to try and hug me, but I just said to let me know how she would like to proceed next and I headed toward my car. She told me to drive safely.
Overall, I detached, didn't get emotional, I looked good, I had self-confidence, I didn't cry. I left before things got weird or talks turned south. We joked and laughed and I think overall it was a positive interaction.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Seriously consider what it would take to keep the house and just re-fi in your name. banks are generally amenable to re-fis to keep the house payments coming.
Apartment living [censored]. Get a room mate... Whatever it takes.
Just a thought.
While I could afford the house on my own, we JUST bought it in June, and I would have to buy out like $16k of her equity, plus refinancing costs. It wouldn't be worth it, plus it would be the house where my wife left me. So for those reasons, I'm going to go ahead and put it on the market.
I mentioned that we would need to do some landscaping and I would need her help to market it to get top dollar which would benefit us both. She mentioned something about planting flowers, so I'm hoping that at some point, that get's us working together on the house.
We have very little reason for interactions since we don't have kids. If selling the house is what it takes for positive interactions than I'll do it.
Technically $18k of the equity is mine alone before even splitting the remaining equity, but I haven't brought this up to her yet. Before we got married, I purchased my first property with $18k down and have the HUD-1. She had nothing to do with it, so it was my sole/separate property. I saved that money from age 16-23, so it would be pretty crappy of her to not agree that I should get it back. She had nothing to do with it and we hadn't even met yet when I had accumulated that much.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Well, you best check with the attorney about that 18K... There is no "technically" when it comes to money.
I live in the house my W and I bought in Nov 06. Yes, there are memories about the house but they disappear pretty quick. Well, at least they did for me. It is my place now.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Well, you best check with the attorney about that 18K... There is no "technically" when it comes to money.
I live in the house my W and I bought in Nov 06. Yes, there are memories about the house but they disappear pretty quick. Well, at least they did for me. It is my place now.
I understand about the money, I'm going to present her with the facts, and let her decide if she believes half of the equity is really hers, or if half of what's left after subtracting out my $18k is hers. I will not be upset either way, she will have to live with herself if she takes my 16/17 year old selfs hard earned money.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
