You already know most of my opinion on this matter but still I feel the urge to put it here!
If you are able to word the letter better than the one you posted I think you should send something. You have been up and down several tunnels and IMHO you need to try a new one – this could be just as good as anyone. In fact I have a hard time coming up with alternatives. Normally I would say something like this is a no-go, but with your timeline and length of NC I say try it.
I do like TTDs draft!
You have done well in starting to consider this weeks before you want to do it so take TTDs draft and work from there. If you think matters are missing add them and do change it into your own words.
When done post it and get advice from forum
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Your welcome HWA Glad you liked it It needs tweaking slightly though to make it sound like your words. I know that planet is not keen, but see what others think before you make the final decision on this letter.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks F I see we both agree that you should take my draft and change it to suit yourself. I also agree that you should post the final version here before sending it
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
planet, thank you for your feedback. What do I want? I don't want or need my W to reply to the letter. I do want the next level of closure. Not complete closure where I don't want the W anymore. I want her to hear why I haven't contacted her for the last 6 months, rather than her possibly thinking that I am/have/want to avoid her (mindreading, yes). I want her to know, I am going to continue to listen to her last want: to find happiness and peace. And in my way, that means no contact initiated by me. I want her to know I still care/love her, but it is an open bird cage, she needs to be the one to fly back. I simply want her to know something, because we haven't spoken or anything for nearly 6 months, by that time the letter comes around. I want her to know, at the time of leaving this town, she is still on my mind.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
HWA, congratulation on handling the party well. Good job. Can I ask you a question, is your wife a very reserved and introverted person who had hard time expressing her feelings in the past?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi bright future. In answer to your question, I would like to say no, but has probably built up being reserved. At one time near BD she mentioned how much she supported her family, but when she brought up any issues they ignored her. I think many years of not being listened to has probably made her reserved. She isn't introverted as she loves being around people and is reciprocated by those people. Basically she would be a perfect DB example, not mentioning what is affecting or happening to her, while showing a great PMA.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Yes, this is why I asked the questions. I was introvert, reserved and shy when I was a kid. Over the years, I became more outgoing and enjoyed being around people. But, I still had hard time expressing my feelings, I was trying to cover for them by being upbeat and not affected. What I want to say is that because your W seems uninterested and cold doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel anything. She is probably sticking to status quo right now until she hits the bottom. Just my 2 cents.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Brightfuture, thank you for your 2 cents, it does mean a lot. My W when I met her was very shy and reserved. I remember vividly how much she would cling, clutch and grab me constantly. As though she didn't want to lose me at all. So what you said makes a lot of sense.
An update. Over the weekend the W texted me twice to let me know about the presents she bought the sons for xmas. Weird as she didn't let me know anything for the important 21st birthday, but xmas I need to kown. WTF. Also the letter from the solicitor over two weeks ago said the paperwork would be issued within a few days, still waiting. On a good note, the tenants are vacating the house before I move back to the city. So no living with my Mum. It will also give me the holidays to clean, make repairs and get back to near normal lifestyle before it was taken away from me with the transfer.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Good news about the tenants At least now you won't have to worry about putting things in storage, you can just got in there and get stuck in. You might have got rid of all the chaos of moving by Christmas, all being well
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Yes TTD180, a very big positive to move straight into the house. Checked with the power supplier last night, to make sure the tenants don't turn off the power. When I got solar installed last year, to get the rebate the government was offering the power account had to be in the owner's name, me. So logically the tenants got the bill, paid for the bill, but I got the bonus credit for extra electricity. With my tenants they used so much electricity, so no credit. But last night checked that the latest bill has only 1 months worth of power used, and there will be a whole month of saving solar without any power being used through the house. Might come out in front now. Looking forward so much to having some time off to get the house in order. Will be asking my son if he wishes to move in with me in a few weeks. His choice completely to whether he stays with the SIL or comes home with me. I am comfortable enough now to not feel any bad vibes with whatever his choice is. I also will stop the payment to the SIL for board, once I have moved into the house. Will not pay board for my son, when there is a room for nothing for him.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Glad you liked it