Deciding What to Do.....

[Mimi00]

I'm so sorry for all of your pain that you have been through now and previously in your life. We are all here b/c we are suffering great pain right now... for some of us this D process may be the worst pain we've ever experienced....for others this is just another notch on their "belt of pain".

I was raised to love and trust in God and to ALWAYS do the RIGHT thing when it came to others no matter what. And I am screaming at God for this trial in my life after so many suffering experiences in the past. And I know we all have past experiences.

I like you questioned God when my H BD.
I grew up in church, I always put others before myself, I always live in a way that represents Christ no matter where I go or who I am with (I have never said a curse word, I have never drank alcohol, I have never smoked, I waited until marriage to have sex). I've tried to be perfect through out my life....and have been pretty successful at that. So I asked, why God would you put me through this pain???

When my H and I first began getting to know each other I prayed that God take him away if he was not for me, to show me some red flags b/c I really liked him but if he wasn't want God wanted for me, I did not want him, so please take him away before anything serious.........clearly he wasn't taken away from me. Instead our courtship was perfect.....but now he leaves me?????????? WHY GOD? What did I do??? There are others I know who did not honor you with their lives the way I have and their marriages are still together!!!! WHY ME?????

Then one day I woke up and asked my self, who am I that I don't deserve "pain" in my life?

What makes me any better than anyone in this world who is suffering pain, pain wayyyy worst than this D process is paining me? Nothing.

Nothing makes me any better that anyone else here on this forum, nor any one in this world suffering death, sickness, illnesses, hunger.

God never promised only sunshine and rainbows in life.
If all we had was good, we would never learn and grow.
Every one has suffering in their lives, unfortunately some more than others...and some people haven't done anything to deserve it (especially innocent babies)....unfortunately we are here on Earth, and this is life, life includes ups and downs, pains and celebrations, we are here to navigate through it all in the best way we can....and that is my conclusion.

I'm not Bible scholar, but IMO, the difference between those who choose not believe in God in crisis and those who do..... is that the ones who do are able to overcome their pain with peace, grace, less stress, strength and mental stability that only God can provide.

We praise God for the good times, so how are we to react in the bad times? Blaming Him? Hating Him? Asking Him WHYYY????

No we are to continue to praise Him because in the good times He is God and in the bad times, guess what? He is still that same God from the good times.

Why when I have ALWAYS done right by my husband, my mom, my sisters, niece, and nephews.

I said this like this at first, that I've always been amazing to my H and family....but then I was honest with my self. No I haven't. Sometimes they irritate me, some times I react in my emotions instead of reacting in a way that God would be proud of and I make snarky remarks etc....

Maybe in your life you have been a 100% perfect person to everyone in your life and you have nothing that needs to change...if you have, kudos to you. But if not, I suggest you really take a good look at your self and if there is some truth to see, own it...it will be a growth moment for you to leave behind the idea that you have been nothing but awesome to everyone in every way.

We (my husband and I) bought a small house for my mother after she recovered from brain cancer, a stroke, and a heart attack 5 years ago and now he saying that we spent all of our money on her. THIS was NEVER an issue before because we made the decision to buy and wanted her to be comfortable.

I'm sorry your husband began to resent helping your mother by purchasing the house.

Unfortunately truth is, sometimes spouses are scared of our reactions, so sometimes they agree to things they really don't want to do and they end up resenting us for it....that resentment builds b/c of a break down in communication.

Divorce is now a marker of achievement. This world is not just.. How and why do the evil, wicked, sinful, and deceitful prosper and are happy? And the wronged are wrought with despair and betrayal? Please don't say that God wants us to be closer to him or that he is making room for something else in our lives, because I have heard that. That theory conflicts with the other teachings from the bible.

What Bible do you read? There are many examples o those who went through suffering, those who were asked to give up something or had things taken from them. One big example is Job.

Have you ever read that book? He lost his means of income, all his children were killed, he was hit with a flesh eating disease..etc..etc..etc.... His wife told him to go ahead and curse God for bringing all of this hurt and pain into his life. What was Jobs response? "You're talking like a godless fool. We accept the good that God gives us. Shouldn't we also accept the bad?"(Job 2:10)

God has turned his face away from me, as have others.

Has He really turned His face from you, or is it you who has run from Him?

My soul and my faith has been rocked recently by all of this because it "I" DID NOT (YOU DID NOT) deserve this? Where is God when there is so much hurt and pain? I was a good daughter, wife, sister, and aunt.

God is right here waiting for you.
Wanting you to hand your pain to Him.
Wanting you to trust him completely with your sitch.

The question is will you continue to blame him and run.
Or will you come to Him and rest?

I assure you when you do, you will begin to have peace that will surpassed all of these things in your sitch that you do not understand.

I say all this to you in love, b/c I experienced the same thoughts and feelings in the weeks following my H's BD.
I spent weeks crying and laying in bed.

Angry.

Angry at myself, angry at my H, angry at God.

It wasn't until I picked my self up (mind you while still angry) and began going to church again and hearing things that began to change my heart back in to the woman I was before I allowed the pain of my sitch to take over.

I am convinced that the goal of Believing and having Faith in God is not to get "good things" out of life or to have the "perfect life" free of sorrow.... the goal is to have complete trust in Him. He watching our reactions to every event. Will we be like a child who only loves our parents when they give us candy, yet hates our parents when we are scolded. Or will we be mature in our faith and decided trust and praise Him even in the middle of our storm?

How you make it through this storm is totally up to you.
God's way is actually not too different from DB. He wants you to live and leave your Husband and your pain in his hands to deal with. The choice is yours.