THINK LIKE HARE MOVE LIKE A TORTOISE

[Ambivalent]

H came back with venison. I came downstairs in my new sized jeans and navy v neck cardigan.

We exchanged banter, he showed me the tenderloins and commented on the smaller size. Said he'd take two unless I wanted three. I told him I did, we both laughed and then he said he'd take the biggest.

I walked him out to the car and congratulated his bud on snagging the buck. We exchanged some back and forth and H. seemed to enjoy the interaction, everyone was smiling.

I am making an effort to interact with his friend. He is making an effort to share nice things his friend has said about me and the home.

I also overheard his bud telling him how he liked the house, the molding choice for the bathroom and laundry area.

Really weird how he can just go right back to playing Mr. proud homeowner.
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Been doing a lot of reading , yet AGAIN. Replay and depression are so difficult. I just wished he'd hurry up and get the crap out of his system. I'm still in the 0-6 mo. stage. The building and create safety. My H. is a boomerang.



Some Boomerangs cling to the spouse. These MLCers may have issues regarding a fear of abandonment as well as co-dependency. They will frequently seek reassurances from their spouse regarding the option to come home. Clinging Boomerangs cycle as is the norm for MLCers, but they also consider their spouse to be their spouse, whereas some MLCers no longer consider you with that label in anything other than a legal manner. A Clinging Boomerang may recognize the authority of their spouse over the alienator who they see in a lower position. I hope this is true!
Clinging Boomerangs are constantly trying to reconnect through touch-n-goes. Though boundaries--especially rule-boundaries--do not work with early MLCers, Clinging Boomerang are an exception. A Clinging Boomerang needs boundaries--they are more effective than with others, though still not accepted well by the MLCer. A Clinging Boomerang wants you; and is attached and dependent toward you. Firm boundaries are more effective in later MLCer and not rThis gives you leverage to apply boundaries, but be careful that do not you use this leverage to pressure. It is NOT recommended in early MLC. It is the respect and personal space boundaries that will likely be most necessary.
I had to do this with coming and going and door key


Often with a Clinging Boomerang the purpose of No Contact is as a consequence for continuing contact/infidelity. Though they need reassurance that you love and care for them and have no desire to end your marriage, they also need a strong and firm spouse who will not enable their inappropriate behaviors.

Though a Clinging Boomerang may have Monster moments and phases, they are likely to be relatively brief, as this MLCer does not want to alienate their spouse. Monster is often a result of a loss of control and reaction to anger, but their fear of abandonment will override their overt anger.
Clinging Boomerang Traits

•Seeks Reassurance May request that you be strong for them, believe in them, not turn your back...

•Dependent and even co-dependent

•Multiple Returns--or desire to return on multiple occasions

•Pursuer Frequent contact which may include begin-pleading

•Frequent Touch-n-Goes
•Acknowledges the spouse as the spouse

•Hopes to return someday--openly or secretlyUses we, us, when, the almighty IF !

•Possible issues fearing abandonment

•May continue to profess love for their spouse

•Scared of losing the spouse May verbalize this as losing the friendship or may be more direct and fear the spouse will find someone else.

The first two or three in the list are the most telling traits. A Boomerang who is independent is not a clinger. Though Clinging Boomerangs seem to offer a lot of clues and crumbs of hope to the Standing spouse, they also may be difficult to deal with due to their attachment and neediness and there is a high likelihood for cake-eating due to their fear of losing you. This is not a casual fear, but a paralysis that affects healthy functioning.

Well I can see why detachment is so difficult.