He said that he is aware he has put forth no effort into our M, and he knows it is wrong and he wants to change that. He told me numerous times that he just wasn't capable this past few years.
He said that he is devoted to me, that he wants to be with me, that he has feelings for me, that he wants to be married to me. He didn't at any time come out and say that he loves me, but he did say, "I try to be good to you in front of the boys so they know that I love you."
I was very honest with him. I told him that I'm not willing to share him, that I'd rather not be with him at all.
He said that he would never expect me to share him.
I said that when I married him, it was because I loved him and wanted to spend my life with him. He quickly said he felt the same way. But then I said - I'm not happy being your buddy or roommate. I don't want to live this way. If you don't want to be a H to me, you are free to go.
He said - I want to be a H to you, I want to be with you.
At the end of the convo, he reiterated that he was going to try to be better to me and our M. That he wanted to be here.
He refuses to consider counseling at this time.
I ended things by saying that I will give this a chance, but that I still know that he is in a R with her. That I believe that as long as he is involved with someone else, things will never really be good between us. How could they be? I told him that I need to come first above other people, my feelings need to come first. I told him he can't make me and her happy, it's impossible.
He agreed with me, but still denies the affair, says they are friends.
I told him - well then, your definition of friends is much different than mine. Lol!
So....
I am giving him a chance here, but with my guard way up. I saw a lot of clarity from him, and this is the first time since bomb that he agreed with me on many things, admitted some things, and actually came out and said he wanted to be with me and be married to me.
I think he meant what he said. I'm just not so sure he's ready to do it.
He either will do what he promised or not.
I know I'm gonna be okay no matter what he does.
Thanks for being here my friends
And as FY likes to say - bust on!
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
