The tide is high, but I'm holding on

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks Job. You've been here with me the whole time. I do appreciate it

I'm not going to go over every detail of our convo, but I wanted to share a few things. I hope that some out there will find this helpful, giving some insight into the MLCer.

We talked about the bomb.

I said - I knew we weren't getting along, but truly never saw that coming. I always thought we could work through our problems. I wasn't prepared to hear that your feelings had changed for me, that you thought our M was a sham, that you weren't happy being here.

He told me that he had anger building up in him for a long time. That there was some stuff about me, but mostly it was other things. That everything just came to a head, and the dam burst.

So I tried to validate by saying back to him - so you are saying that you were mad at me about some things, but mostly other stuff, and took it out on me.

Him - that's exactly it.

Me - so you don't think our M is a sham?

Him - no. I didn't then, and I don't now.

Me - you may not remember much of what you have said to me over the past two years, but it has been a lot of hurtful stuff.

Him - wow, when you say it like that - two years - I didn't realize it's been that long. You have to understand that I've spent most of that time bunkered down in my own world just to survive.

Me - do you still feel that way?

Him - sometimes, but mostly not. I'm happy being home now, I like being here.

Me - because of the boys.

Him - because of them, but you too. You are part of it, part of home.

He talked about how angry he was, how nothing made him happy, not even the boys . Said how they actually added to his anger and unhappiness. Said that now, he loves being with them, looks forward to spending time with him, they make him laugh, make him happy.

I think the part where he talks about being in his own world just to survive is very telling. That's it, that's what they do in MLC. They don't live, they survive.