There's also a good example letter in the book "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson if you are interested. The goal of the letter in the book is to make the spouse feel like the "cage" door has been open and they are "free".
Its so cool you are learning guitar....I wanted to learn to play the bass last year but didn't have the time to follow through.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
hey HWA, where are you? Too busy GALing to come and join us on here? I agree that a letter or email should be written, just not the one that you were going to send
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks all, I have taken all your responses to heart. I am still undecided what to do about the letter. Firstly, as I mentioned, I won't be sending it for another 4 to 5 weeks. Secondly, the internet or email being stopped is because I am moving 1000klms away. New internet company, new email who knows. Lastly, the email is a combination of closure and temp check. The 6 months time limit is more to do with this point in time now that I am leaving, rather than I have given you this amount of time. My main point is I am leaving this town in less than 5 weeks, I will not be contacting her for any reason (unless dire reasons with the boys) unless she initiates. I will not be contacting her family at all. I am moving on with my life. I am trying to open the cage door, but wording it based on comments and views she made. So that she can understand it from a history point. I do really appreciate everyone's comments and replies, I simply need to think on this more.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
GALing, accepting it's the W choice, but want so much for this to work.
I don't think you'll open the cage door, rather bolting it tight, locking it up and putting a cloth over it That is just my opinion, but I've got it wrong loads of times. At the end of the day, go with your gut feeling. Reread DR if necessary Good luck with whatever you decide to do
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
TTD180, thanks for that. In my opinion (and yes I have been wrong many times) I feel that I am leaving it to the W's and her choice. I still do want it to work, but really don't know what else I can do. I am trying to simply write a letter more from a "N.U.T.S" perspective of being a man, straight to the point. In other words: this is why I did this, this is what I am doing, this is how it can go. I don't think it is the best way or the only way. But I need to do something for me. I have tried coaches options over the course of the sitch - nothing changed. I have tried to improve me GAL and leave her alone - nothing changed.
In one way I want my opinion given to her, she can decide what to do. The other way I know I should probably just give up on the letter, say nothing and continue with the move.
This is why I am giving myself plenty of time to think about this and listening wisely to many people on the forum.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I know that feeling that nothing works! I've sent my H 2 texts this week and normally he responds. This week - Zilch! Anyone would think he's going dark on me, lol. I'm glad you're listening to others on this forum. I don't think the first letter you wrote was from a man's perspective. It wasn't straight and to the point that you expect a man to be writing. There is too much emotion in there Have you been using that female hormone cream? lol. Just trying to lighten the mood I would have a look at that letter in love must be tough. Although I've not read it, it sounds spot on
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Maybe someone is secretly giving me the female hormone cream, based on the amount of emotion/tears over the last year plus. Who can I blame? I do then get your point about the letter. As I said, there are some things I want to say, just how to is the question.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Yes I agree, how is the question. I think keeping it short and sweet is the answer. Something like - Hi wife In 5 weeks time I'm moving and will be living nearer to our boys. I'm looking forward to spending more time with them and starting a new life in a new place. The door will always be open for you, should you wish to come and visit. No doubt I'll see you again because of the boys. You won't be able to contact me on this email address once I leave, but if you wish to contact me then our boys will have my new email. Look after yourself and take care HWA What do you think?
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I'm gonna mind read you a little here. You want closure. You want your W to tell it's really over between the two of you so that you can move on with clear conscience.
Really? Are you going to make a decision based on someone else's?
What if she says she's over you? Are you really going to stop standing then? Who's to stop yourself from changing your mind after that.
I've read here somewhere regarding LBS on moving on. It be a quiet affair. They simply just move on and definitely not based on someone else's thoughts. It will be a final conscious choice to be happy.
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
TTD180, I appreciate so much even putting the effort in to help write a letter, it means so much. Your letter sounds fantastic. There is no "female hormone cream" in your version. Thanks again.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
