Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I sang with a band in someone's basement last night, first time ever, scared as h@ll, and it was so fun! Now I need to learn to not suk at it. That was definitely way outside my comfort zone. Met some really nice and talented musicians too, bonus.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Yeah, it's such a good outlet. I think some of it has helped me process my grief and devastation and get in touch with my emotions. Music is an expression of emotion. I could belt out the Cake version of I Will Survive and really get it, or The Old Apartment - I never put my fist through a wall but I can really understand the feeling behind it. Last night we did Radiohead's Creep, and I have way too much self esteem to really feel that way, but I totally get the anger of rejection.
I wish I had learned guitar as a kid; it is so hard learning as a working mom. It's very embarrassing to the teenagers! Although I consider that an incentive, not a detraction.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Ad, that is soooo cool. I'm so happy for you to have this. Love all those songs. Have you seen the Creep cover by Carrie Manolakos? If not, do check it out.
Someone asked me why I liked that performance so much and the answer is, I would love to be able to do that. Revel in your talent.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm not sure I have talent, but I have a lot of determination!
I believe and think often about "not hiding your light under a bushel."
I grew up in a hypercritical environment. Nothing I did was good enough, most things other people did weren't that good either, and everyone should be embarassed and feel inferior. (I know my parents would think I'm insane to say that, but it was my perception.) To this day in their retirement home, they make fun of the people who like to get together and sing, and say they shouldn't do that, because they can't carry a tune. I said "then they should sing louder" and my dad shook his head. I said what a sad thing it would be if only people who "could" sing could sing. They think I'm nuts.
So, for me, taking to heart the theory that anyone can excel at something if they practice it enough (10,000 hours), I WILL learn to play guitar and I WILL learn to sing.
Even singing crappy gives people some joy because they can play their guitars and know where we are in the song even though they're too shy to sing. It serves a purpose. My goal is to maybe be enjoyable to listen to. I have my work cut out.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I grew up in a hypercritical environment. Nothing I did was good enough, most things other people did weren't that good either, and everyone should be embarassed and feel inferior. (I know my parents would think I'm insane to say that, but it was my perception.) To this day in their retirement home, they make fun of the people who like to get together and sing, and say they shouldn't do that, because they can't carry a tune. I said "then they should sing louder" and my dad shook his head. I said what a sad thing it would be if only people who "could" sing could sing. They think I'm nuts.
Sounds very familiar to me.
I love it when anyone will get up and sing from their heart and soul.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
It helps not to care if you make a little bit of an a$$ out of yourself!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Adinva, that is awesome - I agree that singing, whether you are any good at it or not, is such great therapy! Plus, great to do something outside of your comfort zone!
I can also relate to growing up in a hypercritical environment - my Mom was not that way, but my Dad was/is. I hated when he criticized my Mom, so guess what? I grew up to be just like him, in order not to be the victim like her. Ugh. It is one of the things I am working on. Yes, my Dad is the same way as your parents - he cares too much about personal "dignity" and not enough about just enjoying life and having fun. Gotta just remember to do what feels good and right. Nobody else lives your life, so who cares what they think?
You go, girl!
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I love that your taking lessons, I am going to take lessons to learn the guitar as well. I love it when people get together and play ( I have always just sat to the side and smiled, it's time to join the party).
I think being critical, the victim, and most other negative habits are addictive and a way to shield us from others. You are so right just let go, be vulnerable and enjoy the ride.
I learned to ride a motorcycle to beat a fear. It was not a fear of getting hurt but really of looking stupid, what would I do if I dropped it or killed the bike?!?! My dad was real critical also and I can hear his voice in the back of my mind. I have to look at myself it a little different now, my dad did the best job he could with the tools and resources he had available, I just choose now to live differently.
Awesome stuff there ad... sounds like your doing great.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
