DARK - how do you do it right? I need help BADLY

[DTM]

I appreciate the comments (both of them) - after getting the bomb dropped and being seemingly unaware of any marital issues prior to that I've gone through hell. I've done a huge amount of reading and listening to advice and to be truthful, I'm scared. I know my W sees my changes so far because she has openly said it..but she also openly states she doesn't love me and has no emotional connection, nor does she want one....do I believe it or go with the advise to believe nothing she says?

I don't want to lose the person I so dearly love and I certainly don't want to be separated in any way shape or form from my children. I want them to continue growing up with both parents in a loving relationship, I want to show both my W and my children how different I am now that I don't have the stress of my previous job (traveling 100% of the time 80+ hrs week)

I see and understand how I got here (my faults) and I also undertand my W's faults although I don't openly discuss them with her..I'm sure she realizes that although she "tried for the last two years" that I wasn't even around the last 3 years due to my crazy travel schedule for work. Her methods for trying weren't actions as Michelle states so it never got my attention. I'm not proud of being where I am but I do feel like I have a small gift of time to try and turn things around. I guess if I had a wish it would be that my W knowing that she finally got the message across LOUD AND CLEAR that I'm actually given a chance to show through my actions that I respect what she needs. The problem is she doesn't want it now because she's checked out.

Like I said earlier - I'm honestly scared of what will happen in January when my W gets state residency....will she file for D, is this what she is silently planning, how will I handle it, will it be (can it be) amicable, how will the kids deal with it..all we worked for dissolved, just bought a new home, do I fight her petition if she files and deny there the marriage is irretrievably broken? So many thoughts to process and it eats me alive because I don't want any of it.

I know I need to work on me and show her someone she would be foolish to leave - I am concentrating on showing her friendship and spending tons of time with my kids (you may recall I have a new job which I work 1/2 month - 180 out from my last job) I don't have expectations but I do have a lot of hope that I can show enough change in myself that it erases her negative perception and lack of trust in me.

My situation is compounded by her EA/PA - I know they say most A's are over in 1 yr but this is also a sexual orientation issue because the EA/PA was with her married girlfriend who she still to this day is in constant contact with...my head is just full of not so positive outlooks.

I'm trying...it's not easy..it [censored].