Yes, H will move out next weekend. He brought it up in September but found an apartment in Nov. But he still wants to come back home and spend some time with the kids every day. I don't think his plan will let him feel the consequences of his moving out, and not give me privacy and space either. I told him I don't agree with his plan, but he insisted on it. So I don't know how the things will turn out after he moves out.
Where it comes to the kids, in my opinion, there should be NO consideration of whether it will make H miss you enough. I know that others here disagree on this point. But if you've got a dad who wants to see his kids every day, LUCKY KIDS. Don't use them as a tool to "show him what he's going to miss." YOU are what he will have to miss in order to come back...do you want him back and miserable only because he missed seeing his kids?
However, your needs have to be taken into consideration. How is it that he gets to insist and that's the way it goes? I would suggest that you tell him your concern that it's going to be intrusive to have him in and out every day, and ask for a compromise.
Does his apartment accommodate them? If so, ask if he would be willing to take them THERE, for a longer stretch over fewer days (maybe every other day?), on a regular schedule that you and the kids can become accustomed to. This will enable each of you to make plans with the kids, knowing when YOUR time and when HIS time is, so you're not stuck every afternoon sitting around in case he's coming over. You both will benefit from a predictable schedule. You can both agree to TRY something and revisit it in two weeks to ensure that it's working for all of you.
Try to look at things as positively as you can. If H is taking the kids and doing homework and dinner with them, say, twice a week, that frees you up to GAL. I remember those elementary school afternoons and evenings were very stressful for me day after day...let H take some of the load off you, since he's interested in parenting them.
Groundrules as Melissa suggested are really helpful too. He thinks of your home as his home, and it takes getting used to being separated. My H used to barrel in at any time, with no notice, and expect a welcoming committee. When I asked him to give us some notice so we could plan, it enabled the kids to be in a frame of mind to spend time with him too. I enjoyed not feeling like my home was being invaded. Then there was a while where he'd ring the doorbell 25 times to announce himself, making the dogs go bonkers and annoying the rest of us, so I had to ask him again to modify his approach. You have to ask for what you need.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
