Intro - hoping for support/advice on DBing

[adinva]

Of course it is melissa. You've been writing here in a way that sounds miles part where most people would be one month post bomb. You've got it, intellectually, but that doesn't make the feelings go away. You have to feel them and find non-H outlets for them to work them out of your system.

I would be SO p.o.'d about not getting to go to the wedding, feeling excluded, not getting to be the main caretaker of my kids for even one second, not getting to make some memories with them. It is awkward having family events when you're not sure your standing in the family, and painful to figure this stuff out. It is crushing. So what do you do when you're crushed...make a new list.

It sounds like your reliance on H as your venting spot for dealing with your emotions was damaging to your relationship. You sound resentful now, as if it's partially his fault for no longer being that receptacle, as if it's his rightful place and now you're having to stuff these feelings that you want to share with him. Learn new ways. You can't go back, even if you reconcile, to this because it wasn't healthy for your marriage. It won't be healthy for your future relationships.

You'll have that connection again, where you can share your innermost thoughts and feelings, you will. But you will need to have more outlets and tools to use. Don't resent H for giving you that feedback, consider it a gift of painful insight that will enable you to do better. I got a few of those "gifts" too, lol.

What will you do that weekend? Go somewhere else cool, take a spa day, sign up for a meetup, start planning something you really look forward to, because I imagine you'll want to spend the weekend crying in bed...don't let yourself.