After doing a lot of reading and a lot of learning I have come to this conclusion. All that has happened I deserve (except the going to jail and restraining order) But yes, if she leaves for this OM it is all my fault. I do not deserve forgiveness for what I did. No matter if I am sorry for my mistakes she has the right to move on with her life.
I have to come to grips with reality and let her go. It is the risk when in the stupid fog one decides to cheat. In my case was multiple times, even though not physical it was still cheating.
Now I feel compelled to talk to my friends that might be in similar situations and help them as I have learned a lot from my experience.
No one ever deserves to be lied to betrayed or cheated on. It is the most painful thing a person can experience in a relationship and forgiveness, although possible is a long and rocky journey. One day perhaps my W soon to be Ex-W can reconcile to a friendlier state for our DD4 sake.
I have filled for D, but she is not filling the required paperwork and am waiting now as she will have to be served. I'm doing it as I realize she is in a relationship and it is over for us. I still love her, but she obviously has no intention on ending her R with OM. She not talking about D or delaying does not mean she wants to reconcile with me. It only means she is not in a hurry to D as she is not marrying again for a while. To her our M is just a paper and it does not hinder her ability to date or be happy at the moment.
